Every Good Father
by 96 Hubbles
Summary: When Arthur reveals he's known Merlin's secret for awhile, Gaius brings up some matters he hadn't thought of and Arthur realizes that perhaps it wasn't just *Merlin's* supposed lack of trust he should have considered. Because every good father will go BAMF at some point or other to protect their child.
1. Chapter 1

**Every Good Father**

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He had always assumed it would be a matter of some destiny, a preordained event accompanied with sufficient ritual or supernatural fanfare and signifying a moment of great portent. In fact, the more times the King had missed seeing the obvious, he had seriously begun to wonder if Destiny had not put a hand in herself and was purposely shading the eyes of his oblivious monarch until she deemed the proper time was upon them.

At the very least, he'd always assumed there would be some notice; an announcement or a confession or such-like. He'd considered with some sadness that he might not live long enough to see it, but he had never, ever thought the secret might slip out with him completely missing it altogether.

But Destiny was a capricious sort and that was indeed what happened. Arthur learned of Merlin's magic and Destiny had apparently been so unconcerned that she had not thought to let the warlock or his mentor in on the news.

That is, of course, unless Destiny had taken to shoving people down stairwells, which was certainly not a thing Gaius could rule out. After all, that one little accident brought with it perhaps the moment of his own greatest reckoning, so who could truly say?

-x-

Gaius was the Court Physician and as such had seen innumerable emergencies over the course of his life. However, as any parent could have told him, when your child - even your adult child - is brought to you broken and bleeding, your heart leaps into your throat no matter how inured to disaster you are.

He'd just been shuffling wearily off to bed when it happened. He was recovering well enough from his imprisonment at Morgana's hands, but at his age bouncing back required so much more _time_. Even now, three months later, he had to admit to himself that he still wasn't at full strength. And while he was trying to be patient, the whole ordeal had been filling his mind with morbid thoughts ever since it happened, worry for Merlin being foremost amongst them. If he wasn't around, who could his former ward confide in? Who would advise him about magic? Not that the lad needed so much help anymore, but Gaius knew the young man still relied on him for help in researching each threat or instrument of magic that came their way.

But all thoughts were scattered in an instant when the King kicked the door in and barreled into the room with Gwaine and several of the knights at his heels, carrying a blood-soaked Merlin in his arms.

"Gaius - " Arthur panted.

"Bring him over here!" the physician ordered his King.

-x-

Both the concussion and the break to the arm were serious, and bloody enough to secretly frighten Gaius nearly out of his wits for a short while, but in the end neither were as bad as he feared. Still, it was well over a day before Merlin showed any signs of stirring.

On top of everything, Gaius also had to deal with the constant presence of Arthur. Worried loved ones getting in the way was nothing new to the healer, but there was a tension to Arthur, a glaring scowl ghosting occasionally across his countenance that told the older man that Arthur was not just concerned, but _angry_. However, Gaius had no idea why. Knowing the King since birth as he had, his knowledge of Arthur's moods was fairly fine-tuned, but it was hard to think after a sleepless night as well as a scare like he'd had and at the moment all he could focus on was how Arthur's furious pacing was getting on his nerves.

They were both at Merlin's bedside - Gaius sitting calmly and the King still stomping around the small room - when the man woke suddenly, his stomach revolting and vomit spewing out of his mouth before he'd barely even opened his eyes. Gaius, tipped off a half a second earlier than Arthur by the gulp and convulsive spasm his ward had made, managed to avoid most of the mess, but the King's indignant protest could have been heard in Gaul.

"Gods, Merlin! That's disgusting!"

"It is hardly his fault, Sire," Gaius pointed out as calmly as he could while fetching a cool rag and gently wiping off Merlin's face.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry, Merlin," Arthur apologized. "How do you feel, idiot?" he asked his servant some moments later, when he felt more secure than he wasn't going to be subjected to another spray.

Gaius noted the way Merlin's brow furrowed, even with his eyes closed, at the different strain underlying Arthur's voice. _He__'__s picked up on it too, then_, he thought. _Something about Arthur is__…__ off. _

"Wann off this stupid boat, Arrer," Merlin whined.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Rriiiiiggghhhhttt."

"You're not on a boat, Merlin," Gaius said softly and brushed a strand of dark hair from the younger man's forehead. "You're in your bed."

"Whyzzit movin' up n' down then?"

"You're just dizzy, my boy. You've had a bad accident."

Eyes still clenched tightly shut, Merlin nodded and, judging by the pained scrunch of his face, instantly regretted it. "Uggghhh," the younger man moaned. "What happened?"

"You fell down the steps to the wine cellar, you imbecile," Arthur told him and yes, it was very clear this time - there was a definite snappishness in the King's voice.

Merlin blinked. "You were… you were going to show me the wines you'd picked out for Gwen's first feast hosting visiting dignitaries."

"That's right."

Merlin shot a confused look towards Gaius before turning his gaze to the King's again. "Did I break something important? Not that fancy Frankish stuff you got from Olaf last year?" Gaius saw his ward wince at the very thought; that bottle was a very rare and expensive treasure and would have made a wonderful impression for Gwen on the dignitaries from Escetia.

Arthur began to pace again, waving his arms around. "Wine? Wine? Do you really think I give a damn about some stupid wine? You broke your arm and _you think I__'__m worried about wine?__"_

"I broke my arm?" Merlin repeatedly stupidly, only then looking down at his chest for the first time to see his left arm bound tightly in a heavy splint.

"Yes, you broke your arm, you clumsy oaf! You broke your arm and nearly your skull and you could have easily broken your scrawny, thrice-damned neck!" the King shouted.

"Why are you yelling at me, Arthur?" Merlin demanded as he struggled to sit up, not the easiest thing to do when you were sick and only had the use of one arm. "It's not like I _wanted _to do it!"

Arthur stopped pacing and glared at his servant with a face like thunder. "Well, I don't know, Merlin. If you didn't want it to happen, why didn't you stop it?"

Both Gaius and Merlin stared at their King like he'd lost his wits, which, in fact, is exactly what they thought at that second.

"Stop it, you bloody great dollop-head? Just how in hell's name was I supposed to have _stopped falling _down the steps?"

"With your _MAGIC_ you… you…" Arthur fumed and then threw his hands up in despair. "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO CALL YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE IDIOT AND IMBECILE AREN'T ENOUGH!"

Gaius leapt to his feet as he saw Merlin pale dramatically. "You… You know?" his ward finally managed to stammer out.

"I've known for over a year."

"A year!" Merlin gasped and then reeled drunkenly where he sat. Gaius was at his side in an instant. "You know. You… knew," Merlin moaned.

"I started to suspect after you were attacked by the Dorocha."

"The Dorocha…?" Merlin breathed. "Then… you knew… did you know about Agravaine? Did you know what I had to _DO_ to him and then let me… let me be _alone _after that?"

The King was taken aback and Gaius's own anger surged at the shock and devastation in Merlin's voice, but before either could say anything Merlin gagged and was painfully ill again.

"Arthur, get out!" Gaius heard himself yelling as he bent quickly to help Merlin (and - King or not - came close to giving the young clot-pole a swift kick on the way out for putting such a strain on an injured man). "Wait for me in the main room. We'll discuss things after I'm done here."

"Gaius, Gaius… he knew, Gaius," Merlin fretted piteously. "He knew and he didn't… didn't…"

"Shhh, shhh, my boy," Gaius soothed as he gently pushed Merlin to lie back down. "Just rest now. I'll sort all of this out. Trust me."

-x-

When Gaius finally emerged from Merlin's bedchamber he found a tightly-wound Arthur staring at the potions on his shelves.

"So you've known for over a year now?" Gaius asked coldly, startling the other man.

"I've suspected for over a year. He wasn't killed by the Dorocha. He became a marvellous tracker when we were hunting the dragon's egg. He was wounded and yet he escaped an entire troupe of bandits all on his own, and his wound had disappeared. He wasn't affected by the Lamia. He knew about the magic infecting the… the Druid's camp. He stopped Agravaine all by himself."

"But did you actually see him do magic? Is that why you never said anything - because you never had proof?"

"I had no proof, but I did see him."

"When?"

"Months ago. It doesn't matter."

"Months ago…" Gaius repeated. Arthur's brow furrowed in puzzlement; Gaius could tell that his King found their conversation not going exactly as to expectation. "How _could_ you, Arthur!" the old physician demanded.

"How could _I_?" Arthur shouted. "How is it you are angry with _me_, Gaius? I'm not the one who has been lying for heaven only knows how long! You can hardly condemn me for keeping a secret when it's been Merlin - and presumably you as well, I find out now - who's been lying to _me_ all of this time!"

"That is a different matter entirely, Arthur!"

"How, Gaius? How _exactly_ is it different?"

"BECAUSE _HIS_ SECRET COULD HAVE GOTTEN HIM KILLED, YOU BLOODY YOUNG FOOL!" Gaius bellowed.

Both men were stunned by his outburst and for a moment could not say anything. The only sound was of Gaius heaving for breath from the force of his cry.

"But yours…" Gaius finally continued, breaking the silence. "By the Gods, Arthur, when I think of what the telling of yours could have spared him! Of all the times he's agonized over hiding his true self from you, eating himself up with guilt; of all the times he could have been thanked or had the burden of fear lifted from his shoulders or even just have been FREE, if only around you; of all the times he could have had someone to fight alongside him, or been able to protect himself better; of all the extra people he might have _saved_…" Suddenly Gaius sank onto a nearby chair; he felt as though he could weep. "Why, Arthur? Was it punishment? Did you feel that slighted that you didn't even think to approach him and find out the truth? He might have used magic to protect himself tonight! This fall need never have happened!"

"Why do you think I'm so furious, Gaius!" Arthur roared back. "That damned FOOL! Does he really trust me so _little_? Would he really rather have _died _than let me know his secret?"

Gaius's anger surged again and he stood to sternly stare down the younger man. "For pity's sake, Arthur! Are you truly this self-absorbed? Merlin has had to hide who he was for his entire life, because apparently you can be judged a criminal just for being born, and the thing you immediately latch onto, the thing that you think is the worst about this whole mess, is _how he didn__'__t trust you?__"_

"So why didn't he tell me then?" Arthur challenged.

"Arthur, you're a grown man now, not some boy still at his lessons. Think for once! There is more to this than some silly game of prove-your-friendship!"

"I am the KING, Gaius! How dare you dismiss this as just me making some child's demand! My decisions affect the Kingdom and it is _vital_ for the safety of all that I have people around me I can trust, even when it comes to my servants. So I repeat, Gaius: why did Merlin never tell me he was a sorcerer?"

Gaius took a deep breath.

"Because I begged him not to, Sire."

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_Well, hello again! How are you this evening? Do you mind if I experiment on you just a little bit? This story is giving me trouble and - contrary to all knowledge of my own personality - I thought that posting the first chapter might focus the old mind a touch. (Strangely, this time my problem isn't laziness, it's that I have so many things exploding out of my head for Gaius to say that the ideas are being blown scattered against the wall like buckshot from a rifle in the hands of a lunatic.)_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Keep your fingers crossed that I can get the required medication into my muse so he calms down. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

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"_Because I begged him not to, Sire.__"_

The hurt on Arthur's face went straight to Gaius's heart. He nearly softened; Merlin might have been his ward, but Arthur was so very, very dear to him as well. It was as if he were having to choose between two of his children. But no, it was better this way. Should Arthur grow embittered, let it be towards him. Merlin and Arthur were young and the Kingdom needed both of them working together. If Arthur never forgave him, so be it, but let things be well with them, he thought.

Besides, what he had said was only the truth after all.

"_You_, Gaius? But why?"

Gaius was helpless to know where to begin. "A hundred reasons, Arthur."

"That's not good enough! Not more than seven months ago you told me in this very room of how you had looked after me since I was a nursling and chided me for not knowing that you love me far too much to betray you. Was that all a lie?" (1)

"Most certainly not!"

"Well, what else can I think, Gaius?" Arthur asked.

"Try and understand, Arthur - "

"Understand what?" the King demanded. "That _everyone_ I care about in my life is going to betray me? Trust me, I've learned that little lesson well enough!"

"NO!" Gaius shouted fiercely, pointing a threatening finger. "You can say what you want about what I did, but don't you dare say Merlin has betrayed you! Don't you DARE! Yes, I realize the revelation must have been painful for you, but true betrayal involves someone actively trying to hurt you, of keeping a secret for their own gain at your expense and showing no remorse. All that boy has ever done is try and protect you and serve to the very best of his ability! Not telling you may or may not have been a mistake, but Merlin could only make his decision based on the circumstances of any given moment, to chose what seemed right at the time - which is all any of us can do - but when he did, what was best for you and for this kingdom was always, _always_ at the forefront of his mind!"

"As for me," Gaius went on, the fight suddenly bleeding out of him, "What I did was partly for you, more for him, but mainly because I'm a selfish old man. I've already lost so much to your father's madness - the woman I love, the magic that filled my heart and brought me joy, my peace, my security and even my very _soul_, Arthur! Your father made me a murderer by association and I just couldn't stand it anymore! In that bedchamber lies the only thing I have left in this world! He is my son in all but blood and I couldn't lose him! Not like that! Not to one of your father's pyres!"

"Gaius - " Arthur began, his voice softer now, but Gaius interrupted him.

"I don't think you have it in you to hurt him, Sire - at least I pray you do not - but I thought you might have banished him, even for his own good, and then he would have been gone. And I had to face the fact that more than likely I wouldn't have lived long enough to see him return."

Arthur began to pace around Gaius's chamber once more, but more calmly this time, thinking over what his old friend had told him. The physician took some hope from the fact that the King's ire had lost some of its volume, but he could still see the set line to the young man's jaw and knew that this was far from settled.

"I can understand your reasoning, Gaius, but that doesn't alter the fact that the both of you lied to me. How can I even trust what you're saying to me now? How do I know you both don't have agendas of your own? Are the words of liars really worth my trust?"

"That's unfair, Sire. Is it really lying simply to keep a secret to yourself until it is safe to tell?"

Arthur scoffed. "Safer for him. Safer for you."

"Yes, safer for us. That's not something you can just dismiss as if it was nothing but a minor consideration. Does anyone really owe someone else a secret that can get them _killed_?"

Arthur looked away. "Fine. I can see that. But it still rankles. Especially your lie. You've been like a second father to me, and yet you did this. You've possibly lied to me even more than he has, for you told me you understood the need for my father's law when all the time you were breaking it." (2)

"I know, Arthur. And I am eternally sorry for hurting you. Lying…" Gaius threw his hands up helplessly. "It is no excuse, but lying becomes second nature to those hiding from persecution, even when it is not necessary. I've lied to many people, including your father and Morgana. I've even lied to Merlin. There was not always reason, only that paranoia becomes a necessary habit."

"You lied to Merlin?" Arthur asked, surprised. "About _magic?_"

"I did, Sire. When… an old friend… returned to Camelot and I caught them practicing magic, I attempted to cover for them when Merlin started asking questions. There was no cause to do so, certainly he would not have told even if he hadn't shared the same secret, but I did it without thinking." (3)

"This old friend, Gaius, wouldn't happen to have been the woman who was arrested for poisoning my father, would it?"

Gaius nodded, the familiar pain in his heart allowing him to mask his minor astonishment at Arthur's deduction.

"And was she the woman you loved? The one you lost?"

"She was my fiance."

"And it was the Purge that separated you."

"It was, Sire."

Arthur sighed and rubbed his face with tired hands. "I am sorry for that. Truly I am. But why didn't she just stop using magic? Like you did?"

"Your father took my promise because I was an old friend. And, quite frankly, because even in his misguided rage, he knew he would still need an advisor on magic. But he wouldn't have made the same bargain for Alice."

"Now you're the one being unfair, Gaius. My father's reaction may have been extreme, but was it really misguided? Magic did kill my mother after all. And this Alice person did try to kill my father."

"She was possessed by a manticore, Sire," Gaius argued. "She couldn't help what she was doing!"

"Still, she wouldn't have been if she hadn't been dealing with dark magic."

"She only wanted to help people, to find better ways to heal."

"And my Mother?"

"Your mother died not because of magic but because of your father's refusal to see the natural consequences of the compact he had made," Gaius snapped, exasperated at this old, old argument.

"That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that magic is dangerous - "

Gaius weighed up the young man before him. "Is that what all of this talk about betrayal really stems from, Arthur?" he asked out of the blue.

Arthur looked at him with puzzlement. "What?"

"Is it truly just that Merlin kept this secret from you, or is it something more?"

"I fail to understand your meaning, Gaius."

"Perhaps Merlin's secret would not have felt so much like a betrayal if, deep down, you did not automatically see all sorcerers as being evil and inherently plotting against you. You are a good-hearted man, Sire, but is it not likely that prejudice is colouring your reaction, even just a little? That perhaps the reason you are so upset is that you feel like you've stumbled onto a poisonous snake in the meadow where you thought you were so safe? It would be understandable - you have grown up hearing from the father you loved and admired that sorcerers are the greatest evil there is, and the few instances you have witnessed would not have changed your mind - but that doesn't mean it's right, and maybe it is blinding you to seeing Merlin's point of view."

"No! That's preposterous! It isn't that at all!"

"Not even in some small part? Would you be reacting this strongly if you found out after all these years that Merlin liked daffodils or hated turnips?"

Arthur snorted derisively. "That is _hardly_ the same thing, Gaius."

"Perhaps not, but I don't recall you acting this way when you discovered he had been born a bastard." (4)

"That was different! I told him about never knowing my mother and he told me about his father in return. It wasn't that he was keeping it a secret, it was simply the first time the subject had come up."

"Or maybe that bastardy doesn't frighten you as much?"

The rage returned to Arthur's face and he glared at Gaius, but the old physician stood firmly as Arthur ranted. "You accused me of dismissing Merlin's safety as a minor consideration, now you are doing the same to me! Is being lied to not enough of a reason to be angry? Is being mistrusted, as well as finding your own trust to be misplaced, not enough reason to be hurt?"

"It is. I just want you to be certain of your own reasoning. Do you really feel your trust in us was misplaced, Arthur?"

"YES! No. I don't know!" Arthur shouted. "But surely it's questionable. It's like building a castle only to find there are faults and cracks in the very foundation! How can I trust the solidity of it enough to keep building when it may all fall down on me at any moment? I _need _to be able to rely on people, not just want to."

Gaius bowed his head, shame pleading with him to stop all of this, but there were still so many things Arthur needed to know and understand. "I know you do, Sire. But you also need to stand on your own two feet, as well as start looking beyond the tip of your own nose."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Trust is a leap of faith and faith by its very nature involves making that leap even when you're not sure of your ground. Merlin and I didn't take that gamble, and perhaps that was unfair to you, but - magic or not - we are flawed human beings and just because we may have made a mistake does not mean that we are necessarily unworthy of your trust. Please think about making the leap we didn't."

Arthur regarded him closely for some moments, obviously struggling within. "You are asking quite a lot, Gaius."

"I know, Arthur. But think of the many other reasons why we might not have told you. And beyond that, think about how it has been for Merlin. You've faced many trials, but you don't know what it is to have to hide in fear every moment of the day, to deny who you truly are from the time you were in your cradle. You don't know the constant terror it entails, nor the endless heartbreak. You don't know the toll it takes. But _he__'__s_ never known anything different."

"Wait, what are you talking about? He's had to hide since he was a _baby_?"

"Arthur, he was born with magic. He never chose it. He never had any say in what he became. As it stands, your father's law would persecute him for something he could never have prevented."

"I… I didn't know. I have never heard of such a thing. I've been wondering for months why he was idiotic enough to start practicing it in the first place." The King's demeanor become subdued as the full weight of this news sunk in. "There are people out there who cannot help it?"

"I am afraid so, Sire. The law may give the impression that it is meant to capture Camelot's enemies, but what it really does is persecute your subjects for something they _are _and cannot change."

"Then why didn't that idiot come to me? Why couldn't he have trusted me? We could have worked something out!"

"There are nearly two dozen reasons, Arthur, but be fair: when did you ever give him cause to think he could come to you with this?"

"Look, Gaius, I understand he was too frightened to do so while my father was alive, but I've been King for over a year."

"Yes, and you've had Agravaine whispering in your ear for nearly all of that time. Longer if we include the time while you were Regent. Or had you forgotten that?"

Arthur looked like a man who just taken a heavy blow on the training field. "Was that necessary?" he asked coldly.

"I am sorry for it, Arthur, but if you really wish to trust Merlin or myself again, you must understand our reasoning. If Merlin owed his secret to you as your friend, would not you have owed it to Agravaine as your uncle? The Uncle you loved? The Uncle you chose time and time again over listening to anyone else? The Uncle who was in charge of the castle's defence and sat at your right hand and ruled in your stead whenever you were absent? You cannot dismiss the influence Agravaine exerted over you. He persuaded you to kill a King and convinced you to reject the woman you loved. (5) What chance would a simple servant have thought he had, friend or not? Especially when you consider that he was, in fact, breaking your laws."

"I wouldn't have told!"

Gaius abstained from pointing out to Arthur that his protest sounded like a child's. "I have no doubt you wouldn't have meant to, but what would have happened at the first sign of a magical threat? Your calmness in knowing you had a weapon to hand would have made Agravaine suspicious. He would have wanted to know your plans for the castle's defence, no doubt making numerous convincing arguments that it was only logical for him to be told. And even if you didn't, would he not have gone searching with even greater fervour than he had displayed before, _knowing_ that the secret was so close?"

"I didn't know you could be so hurtful, Gaius, as to use my uncle's betrayal against me."

"It wasn't just him, Sire. What reason have you ever given Merlin to make him think you'd take this well? That you've changed your views on magic and wouldn't execute him or force him to leave his home? You say you've known for a year, but have you made any attempts to change the law in all that time? Have you even given him any sign that you've contemplated it?"

"I - "

"Have you made attempts, even obliquely, to reassure him? Or even approached him to discuss the matter? To hear his side of the story? You say you feel betrayed but then why didn't you confront him? Was it because you realized the answer might be more complicated than you thought?"

"For that matter," Gaius continued sadly, "when in the last year would have been a good time for him to tell you? When you were denouncing magic after the death of Uther? When you led a hunt to kill a baby dragon still in it's shell just because it was a creature of magic? When you were interrogating me because of my past? After you threatened him with exile for wanting to talk about his best friend?"

And the lowest blow: "When he found out you had slaughtered an innocent tribe of his own kind?" (6)

Arthur's voice was hushed and cold. "I didn't know you could ever be this hurtful, Gaius."

"I do not like doing it, Arthur, but if you are to be the great King you are meant to be, you must not hide from the true realities of your father's purge. Your kingdom will never be truly stable if a such a large segment of its population must unfairly live in daily fear of their lives."

Just then there was a hard knock at Gaius's door.

"Oi, Princess! The Queen wants to see you!" Gwaine yelled from outside.

Arthur turned to Gaius. "We're not through with this discussion," he warned before he left.

"Indeed, Sire, we are not. We are not even close," Gaius said to the empty room.

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_1) "The Secret-Sharer"_

_2) Again, "The Secret-Sharer"_

_3) "Love in the Time of Dragons"_

_4) "The Last Dragonlord" Also, please know I'm not trying to knock the real Arthur. I think when the reveal finally comes on the show he will act maturely. (Or get murderous, but hey, it all depends on circumstances.) This is for the Arthur in this story and only this story. Given the particular circumstances of this plot, it is a valid question for Gaius to ask. _

_5) "His Father's Son"_

_6) "The Wicked Day", "Aithusa", "The Secret-Sharer" and "A Herald of the New Age"_

-x-

**_Author's notes:_**

**_First off, I hope you can see this new chapter! My story disappeared off the Merlin board for awhile this morning. I could find it on my profile page, but not here.  
_**

_**Tigress pearl** - I don't know, an actual exploding Gaius would be interesting. As long as he could do it at will and recover after, that is. Explodo-Physician would make a fantastic super-hero!_

_**Lady Willamina** - I have an idea for a short story (mainly a conversation between Merlin and Kilgharrah) about this very subject. I think Destiny might be keeping Arthur in the dark because both he and Merlin have things to learn before they're ready to assume their greater roles. At this point, Arthur, even with his tendency to lash out when there are things he doesn't want to her, would probably take Merlin's secret reasonably well (i.e. not set him on fire). _

_However, that doesn't mean he's necessarily ready to have an all-powerful warlock at his beck and call, at least in my opinion. I think Arthur needs a bit more confidence in his role as King before he's given the easy option of depending on Merlin to get him out of things. (Though maybe it'll be different in Season 5, since it's several years later.) It's also possible that if he learns the secret before he's changed his own thinking first, he might accept Merlin out of friendship, but might not fully grow to trust others with the same gifts._

_**Stealth Dragon** - I think this point tends to get forgotten sometimes, and to some degree it was the inspiration for this story. If Arthur was the son of Hitler, would it really be betrayal on Merlin's part to hide that he's Jewish? Or say it was fifty years ago when homosexuality was still illegal (and by illegal I mean go-to-jail-and-have-every-single-aspect-of-your-life-destroyed illegal), and you found out a friend was gay. Could your really scream betrayal just because they hadn't told you any sooner? It seems bizarre in this age of displaying your whole life on social media, but it wasn't that long ago when certain secrets were able to utterly ruin your life (or even get you killed) and where people took things like simple illegitimacy to their graves._

**_Anyway, hearty thanks to everyone who reviewed or favourited the story! I didn't know so many of you found Gaius as awesome as I do! And don't worry, he still has a LOT to say..._**

_P.S. I'm looking for a story. In it, Merlin is attacked by a noble - and yes, I know there's a few of those out there, but in this one his ribs are broken and when Gwaine gives him a playful slap against his side it causes him to collapse. Does anyone know that story and if you do, could you tell me? I've been looking for it for ages. _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author**__**'**__**s notes: **_

_First off, thanks to servant123 for finding the story I was looking for. It was __"__Red Sky__"__ by Buzzkill15, and finally seeing it again saved me a lot of frustration. (You know how you get a song stuck in your head, but you just can__'__t remember the words or title? It was like that, but for a month.) I__'__d also like to thank __"__Guest__"__ for his/her efforts. Even though __"__Ligna et Lapides__"__ wasn__'__t the story I was thinking of, it was still great to read it again, so thank you for responding._

_Secondly, I have a minor correction for the last chapter. Footnote #4 should be __"__The Sins of the Father__"__. I had the right scene in mind, but I must have had Merlin__'__s father on the brain and so put down __"__The Last Dragonlord__"__ by mistake. _

_And so on with the story. Turns out I had a whole damn chapter I don__'__t know about in between what I wrote last and what I expected to write next!_

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**Chapter Three**

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Gaius felt every bit of his age that night. It was something that went beyond the familiar bone-weariness he often felt after a hard day of treating patients; he felt deeply disheartened and that in turn made him feel feeble and ineffectual.

_Old_, in other words.

He rolled over uncomfortably on his small bed and wondered for the first time in a long while if the moment had come for him to retire. It had never really been an option before - there had been no way to take on a new apprentice while Merlin still lived with him, but neither could Merlin have moved into servant's quarters or the antechamber off of Arthur's room, in both cases for fear that someone might stumble onto his secret. At the very least it might have impeded his coming and going at night and raised awkward questions.

But now? Well, while Merlin could not move into Arthur's antechamber now that the King was married to Gwen (none of them would be comfortable with that even if Gwen were told of the warlock's secret), surely the King could arrange for Merlin to have quarters of his own? Merlin deserved to stretch his wings, perhaps even needed it. Most of the boys in his village were undoubtedly married by now, likely with several children already. Would he hold Merlin to his side until the warlock was thirty? Forty? Should Merlin be denied the chance to build a life for himself and instead be stuck nursing a doddering old man through his last days?

How much longer before the helpful mentor becomes an hysterical, blithering fool ranting nonsensically in the corner, he wondered. He despaired at the idea of being pushed to the sidelines, an inconvenient burden, ignored or even unthinkingly patronized to by the very men and women who now looked to him for guidance.

In the darkest hours of early morning he'd even begun to wonder if he'd ever been that useful in the first place. Had it had all been an illusion? A lie he told himself to puff up his importance and absolve him of how many times he had turned his face away from the victims of the Purge? What good had he really ever done Merlin? He couldn't physically help the lad on most of his battles, nor was his magic strong enough to assist the boy or even give him a real understanding of the weight on Merlin's shoulders. What had he truly done for Merlin but hold him back? After his ordeal with Alator, he'd confessed his fears to Merlin that someday he would let him down. Merlin had refused his apology, insisting there had been nothing at all to forgive, but he was still conscious of the great wrong he had done, and that they'd only been saved by the Catha's true allegiance. (1)

And now he couldn't help but ponder about the extent of his mistake with Arthur. What would have happened if he had encouraged Merlin to trust his King rather than otherwise? In the light of day it had been easy enough to be certain of his convictions - yes, they may have made a mistake, but what else could they have done in the days of Uther and Agravaine? Their decision to keep Merlin hidden had been a logical choice, even if in the end it may have been wrong. But in the depths of the night, surrounded by nothing but the sound of a far-off stray dog barking at the moon and the slightly stentorian breathing of the concussed Merlin in the next room, there was no distraction to keep him away from the despondent realization he may have done both young men a grave disservice through nothing more than being an old man with feet of clay.

He turned over again before sitting up and irritably throwing his pillow to the floor. _No! _he scolded himself. _Now is not the time to wallow in your own fears. Old you may be, but you can still help Merlin. Don__'__t let him down again! _

Gaius got up and made his way to the cupboard, reckoning there was no sense lying in bed when sleep would not come. Taking out a ceramic bottle of spiced wine, he poured it into bowl and set about heating over a small brazier. As he stirred it, lit by nothing but the moonlight coming in through the window, it gave him time to think.

Let's look at this calmly, he told himself. Yes, Arthur still apparently saw magic as being dangerous and yes, it was very worrying that he still could not see Uther's actions as being all that misguided, but look at the other side of this. Arthur had known for a year and yet made no move to execute Merlin or banish him from the Kingdom. He had also wondered why Merlin had not come to him so that they could "work something out".

Did this not show compassion on Arthur's part? The King could be a rash young man to be sure, but his living with this secret for all of this time pointed to the man having given the matter some consideration. Whether or not he would make a good decision was still up in the air, but at least he had not jumped into a bad one.

_And let__'__s not forget the original reason for Arthur__'__s anger that day, _Gaius reminded himself. The King had been furious not over Merlin's magic, but that Merlin hadn't used it to save himself. Gaius believed he knew what had happened - the most simple explanation was that hiding had become so second nature to Merlin that it was becoming instinctual _not _to use his magic. It was an understandable consequence (though a worrying one), but Arthur could have very easily taken it the wrong way, assuming it was distrust of him that had kept the warlock from using his gifts.

Not to mention that he in turn might have taken Arthur's comment the wrong way. Remembering it now, it wasn't at all hard to believe Arthur's anger had been the result of fear. That Merlin could have foolishly let himself be killed rather than save himself had no doubt scared the King badly. Possibly Arthur had even felt a great deal of guilt, some small part of him realizing that he could have prevented the accident by being honest about what he had learned.

Gaius's heart lifted just a little as he took the bowl off the brazier. _And that means that hurt and betrayed though he might be, the King still _cares.

_And what an damned old fool I ever was to doubt it. _

-x-

Despite the King's warning that their conversation was not over, Arthur apparently wished to avoid him the next day. Gaius was neither visited by Arthur, nor summoned to the royal presence, and he was excused from the meeting of the King's Council without being asked, the page explaining that the King assumed he wished to stay with his ward while Merlin recovered.

Well, that was true at least. Merlin had developed a slight fever in the night and so the physician did prefer to stay close by. It was not high enough to be serious, but Gaius was concerned because he could not tell if it was a symptom of the younger man's head injury or broken arm. Merlin had snorted with laughter when he'd awoken to find Gaius running his fingers over his skull, but that hadn't put the older man off anymore than Merlin's half-hearted efforts to bat his hands away.

Now he was examining the arm. He'd removed the splint to feel the bone and make sure the set was right and was now remaking the splint using bandages soaked in resin, a method used by the Ancient Greeks that he'd recently read of. Merlin, even uncomfortably flushed and in pain, was watching with genuine interest. (2)

"When can I get up, Gaius?" Merlin asked.

"Not for awhile I'm afraid. The best thing for a broken bone is rest. Little or no movement gives it the best chance of knitting properly and besides, with you resting your body can use all of its strength to make sure it knits strongly as well."

Merlin nodded without complaint, but Gaius chuckled inwardly; no doubt in a few days, once the fever was gone, this was going to be a much more contentious debate.

"Has… has anyone been by?" Merlin asked quietly.

"Gwen was by this morning. She had the kitchens deliver a positively ridiculous amount of food for the two of us, including a fresh loaf of Mary's potato bread that you like so much, as well as about a dozen honey rolls."

Merlin grinned with unabashed glee. When it came to food, he could be as easily distracted as a greedy child.

"And roast chicken tonight. That is, if you're up for it," Gaius teased.

"Have a heart, Gaius! My mouth is watering already!"

"No nausea then, I take it?"

"Nope!"

"Any blurred vision?"

"No, I can see just fine."

"What's your mother's name?"

"_Gaius__…" _Merlin whined.

Gaius smiled. "Fine, fine. I'll go put a plate together for your breakfast, shall I?" he said as he finished up wrapping the splint and began to tuck his supplies back into his bag.

"Was anyone else by?"

"Gwaine stopped in just after Gwen. He left a bottle of ale for each of us but swiped a honey roll."

Merlin laughed softly, but his eyes were still downcast. "So Arthur hasn't come around."

"I'm sorry, my boy."

Merlin sighed and nodded. "I guess it's to be expected."

Gaius rested a gentle hand on Merlin's unbroken wrist. "Things will work out between you, Merlin. Your destinies are entwined, after all. As Kilgharrah says, a half cannot hate that which makes it whole."

"Gaius," Merlin said with sad resignation, "I may be as eager to scarf down half a dozen honey rolls as any seven-year-old, but I'm not actually a child. Just because our destinies are tied together does not mean Arthur ever has to forgive me."

"No, but he will," Gaius said, patting Merlin softly on the arm as he rose to fetch the man's breakfast. "I'll see to it."

Merlin grabbed him by the sleeve with his right hand before he could move to the door and gazed shrewdly into his mentor's eyes. "Gaius? What exactly have you been telling Arthur?"

"Nothing but what he needs to know, Merlin, I assure you."

"Gaius, I won't have you taking the blame for not telling him. I know you advised me not to, but it was always _my_ decision, remember that. I'm not a boy to be sheltered any longer and I don't want to see you destroy your relationship with Arthur just for the sake of defending me!"

"Perish the thought!"

"Gaius! Don't shoot that eyebrow at me! I _know _you and I'm not kidding."

"What I tell Arthur is my prerogative," Gaius reminded him sternly, but then he frowned and sat back down on Merlin's bed. "But if it makes you feel any better, I think I've spent more time defending my own actions than I have yours."

"Gaius, all you did was hide me. I know that's against the law and I always felt bad you had to do it, but surely Arthur will understand that I'm the one at fault here."

"All I know is that I saw Arthur born, I received unadulterated pleasure watching him grow and felt pride in the man he had become, and yet I have lied to him and broken his laws for five years now."

"For _me_," Merlin pointed out.

"No, not just for you, so don't you go about feeling guilty! Uther's law is a horrific one and I would break it again in a heartbeat, and not just for you any more. I'm only sorry that Arthur had to be caught up in it all."

"If he didn't want to be caught up in it, he could change the law."

"You and I both know it is not that easy," Gaius said. "Arthur not only has to change his own thinking, but that of his Lords and Ministers, as well as his subjects."

"I know," Merlin agreed quietly and suddenly Gaius was struck by how much older his former ward seemed. There was still a rare bout of impatience, but in general Merlin had became more resigned to the realities of the world. Gaius took some comfort that this meant Merlin's heart would be less easily damaged by waiting yet longer for his freedom, but it also tore at him that his boy should have to wait for such an important thing at all.

"Well, we'll deal with all of that when Arthur comes around," Gaius said and rose once more to fetch Merlin's breakfast. "For now, I'd suggest building up your strength, for once Arthur starts arguing I suspect neither one of us will get much chance to rest."

Merlin smirked and put his good arm behind his head. "Till then is it breakfast in bed?" he asked smugly.

Gaius rolled his eyes. "Just wait another day - you'll be begging me for something to do!"

"Not me! Days off, fancy breakfasts, no work - I plan to get used to this lifestyle!"

"I should have retired years ago," Gaius muttered to himself as he left Merlin to his gloating.

But this time he was only joking.

-x-

While there is a certain wisdom in meeting a problem head on, Gaius decided to wait and let the King come to him. Demanding an audience with Arthur would only put him on the defensive, and Gaius suspected he was already there from Gwen and Gwaine's frequent complaints over how he had not visited Merlin once since the day after the accident.

A week passed and to Gaius's great surprise Merlin remained a model (lazy) patient, even after his fever evaporated on the fourth day.

Quite frankly, it might have begun to worry the physician if Gwaine hadn't come by with an offer to take Merlin fishing down by the riverbank.

"You _fish?__" _Merlin asked suspiciously, his cup of water pausing half to his mouth.

"What? I am filled with the desire for contemplative pursuits just like any man!"

Gaius looked equally as sceptical. "And is there ale at this 'riverbank'? "

"Merlin, Gaius, I am cut to the quick!" the Knight protested, a hand over his heart. "It's a real riverbank, you have my oath!"

"But with ale bottles," Merlin prompted.

"Maybe… And a dice game. But fish too, I'm sure. What river doesn't have fish?"

"What about fishing rods?"

"C'mon Merlin, it's sticks and strings. I'm sure I can whip some up. I mean, Percy will need _something_ to catch our lunch with."

"Hooks and bait mightn't go amiss either," Merlin said.

"See, mate, you're a bloody natural at this! We'll have a fish fry for supper tonight!"

Merlin, his mouth twitching, nevertheless looked to Gaius with pleading in his eyes. But Gaius wasn't going to let him go without extracting a few promises first.

"You'll make sure he doesn't fall off the horse?" he asked Gwaine.

"_Gaius!__" _Merlin complained.

"I'll tie him to it myself," Gwaine promised.

"And you won't let him get too close to the water?"

"I'll get an extra long line so he can fish as far away as possible. He'll have to ask me which way to throw his rod because he won't even _see_ the water."

"And you won't let him tire himself out? And no unnecessary movements on his arm?"

"See, now you're just torturing me for your own pleasure, Gaius," Merlin grumped.

"I'll get Percival to sit on him. He won't be able to move an inch."

"Why, what a very pleasant sounding afternoon!" Gaius said sweetly to Merlin. "Now you go and be sure to have fun, my boy."

"I don't think I _want_ to go anymore," Merlin said.

"Nonsense," Gaius chided. "What kind of attitude is that after Sir Gwaine so kindly offered you such a very nice invitation?"

One side of Merlin's mouth quirked up. "So I _can_ go?" he asked wryly.

Gaius nodded with a laugh. Truthfully, his first instinct had been to hesitate, but he knew Merlin needed to get his mind off the situation with Arthur as much as he needed to rest. Stuck in his bedchamber, all the young man could do was brood and grow more discouraged.

It was not long after a newly cheerful Merlin had been helped onto a horse by Percival and Gwaine and ridden off that Arthur came to him.

"Tell me about the Purge," he said.

.

* * *

_1) "The Secret-Sharer"_

_2) Plaster casts as we know them weren't available until at least the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. But (according to Wikipedia at least) the Ancient Greeks used wax or resin to stiffen the bandages around the splint and others in later years used starch. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

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"_Tell me about the Purge.__"_

He'd had a week, a score of years, even a lifetime to think about this question, but Gaius still did not know where to begin in his answer to Arthur's demand.

He gestured for the King to take a seat at his work table and sat himself across from him.

"It's a time I only remember as darkness," Gaius began. "I know that, much like today, there had to have been beautiful afternoons filled with sun, but to me, everything seems to have happened in the cover of night.

Those with magic have always been hounded through every corner of the five kingdoms, but the early years of the Great Purge… that was different.

I told you I lost the woman I love - do you know how?"

"No," Arthur said.

"There were lists drawn up almost daily. Lists of those to be questioned, your father called them, but that wasn't what they were. They were capture lists, torture lists, _execution_ lists. To be on them was death. It was one thing to watch someone executed for having committed a heinous crime, but to look on as your King - your _friend, _a man you'd known as a young boy - calmly drew up lists of his own subjects for "removal"… well, I nearly left Camelot then and there."

"Why did you stay?"

"One day, I saw Alice's name on one of the lists. I can still feel the cold wave that washed over me, and I believe I came very near to fainting. But I was with your father in his chambers and he had just stepped to the door to order a servant to bring us the mid-day meal. I had only a second to decide what to do. In that moment, I erased her name from the list with a wave of my hand. It was the first - and only time for the next fifteen years - that I reneged on my promise to him not to use magic.

After the grueling ordeal of working with your father for the rest of day and well into evening, he finally dismissed me and I could do nothing but tear through the streets, running to Alice. I was hardly a young man, but I burst through her door and grabbed her by the arm and told her to start packing whatever she could carry easily. She was confused and shaken and when I told her what she needed to do, she refused. Why should she leave the safety and security of her home? she asked. Why should she leave her patients? Why should she leave just when she and I had finally found happiness together?

I argued and argued, but she would not be moved. She wanted to stand up to Uther, even knowing what she would face. She felt if she openly defied him people would see what was happening and put a stop to it. She wasn't a fool, she knew it was a naïve idea, but it was more acceptable to her than simply running like an animal.

But I loved her, Arthur. So I argued it was better for her to live; that staying alive to fight, or to at least teach others that magic could be used for good, was the best way for all to survive. And when she hesitated to think on what I had said, I further convinced her by telling her I would follow, that we would build a life together somewhere else."

"So why didn't you?" Arthur asked. "Why did you stay?"

"For her. Uther barely knew her and failed to spot that her name was missing from the list. If I stayed, I felt he would more than likely forget about her entirely. However, if I followed, if I left after breaking my agreement with to my King, then he would have been reminded of her existence and would have hunted the both of us down.

As well, I also - perhaps rather arrogantly - thought if I stayed, I might be able to help others. And over the years I did help a few, but what I failed to realize was that to save those few, it meant watching so many others perish. To keep suspicion at bay so that I could act, I had to stand helplessly by as the flames consumed so many of those I knew…"

Gaius broke off, unsure of how to go on. Arthur rose and fetched some wine for the two of them. When the King had sat down once more Gaius continued.

"How can I make you understand those years, Sire? It was a time of constantly walking on eggshells, ever fearful of making a mistake. It was living every minute of the day with a frigid hand grasping your innards so tightly you feared you would be sick. Every night you would lie in bed, ears alert for any sound of pounding feet and ask yourself, 'Will this be the night they come for me?'

It was hatred and terror causing friends to turn on friends. No one could trust anyone else; we lived in a constant state of mutual suspicion, unable to confide in anyone around us, for there was always the chance your neighbours would hand you over to keep the King's guards off of their own doorsteps. Not long after your third birthday, Sire, a woman just down the lane from here - a midwife - was stoned to death by her former patients for 'tainting' their children when she delivered them.

It was being made to feel ashamed of yourself. Sometimes I wonder if Merlin hasn't kept his secret for so long because he sometimes feels like a monster, as though he doesn't deserve to be free. He says nothing, but I have seen the look before.

And more than anything, Arthur, it was the heartbreak of families being torn apart. I don't think I can begin to explain to you the desperation and panic people lived with everyday. The things I've seen, Arthur... People thrust from the only homes they've ever known, left to starve in the woods or freeze on the roads, unable to survive a life they weren't suited for; children run to broken tatters and with their flesh then torn from their bones by the jaws of the King's hounds; a man who beat his wife and three small sons to death with a hammer because his heart had been turned to self-righteous hatred; a woman and her child pulled out of the river because in her horror of learning the girl had magic the only way the mother saw to protect her child was to give the little one a clean death.

People did anything to protect themselves and their loved ones from that - told any lie, denied any relationship. Merlin's own father spent over twenty years running from yours. Even when the man built a new life for himself outside of Uther's kingdom, he was still hunted for what he was. And so he ran again, praying it would protect Merlin's mother. He lived in squalor, completely apart from all other people for years, not even knowing he _had_ a son until a day or two before he died."

"I… I never knew that," Arthur whispered. "Merlin never told me."

"He didn't know himself until he met the man."

"What?"

"Did you think you were the only one who had things kept from him? Times of fear and distrust breed secrets and lies by their very nature. Merlin was never told who his father was because his mother wished to protect him.

Just as he was never told who his uncle was."

Arthur looked up. "His uncle?"

"_I_ am Merlin's uncle, Arthur. Hunith is my sister. Well, half-sister. We were always close, despite the difference in our ages and my living in Camelot. When I would go home on visits, I would give her lessons in reading and writing and when I saved Merlin's father, I sent him to her and she shielded him. And, inevitably, they fell in love. And when he was forced to run and she found herself with child, I did my best to help support them."

"Yet you never told Merlin?"

"Not until after his father died. Then… I don't know. I think perhaps I felt he needed more of a family."

"But why did you keep it a secret in the first place?"

"For the same reason Merlin was never told about his father. Both Merlin's father and I possessed magic and Uther knew. If a blood connection was made to Merlin in either case, your father would have turned a suspicious eye on the boy."

Arthur said nothing for some time. Gaius wondered if he would leave; learning the pain his own father had caused to his people, to his friend, was indeed a brutal truth to have to hear. It was to Arthur's credit that he was dealing with it with so much composure. However, the physician could not help but wonder why Arthur was not demanding to know who Merlin's father was - it could be the young King was not quite ready to take in any more.

"Why is it that you didn't tell me of your connection to Merlin after my father died?" Arthur finally asked.

"Because then you would have wanted to know why we hid it in the first place. Neither of us believed you would have the same reaction as your father, but another aspect of the Purge was hiding from your friends for fear of endangering them. Did you never stop to think, Sire, that the simplest reason Merlin never told anyone his secret was in order to protect them?"

"I'm not sure I understand."

"_Think_, Arthur," Gaius said, though not unkindly. "Being a sorcerer is a capital crime, but so is harbouring one. The moment Merlin told anyone, it would force an incredibly painful decision upon them. His friends would either be forced to turn him in or find they'd become criminals themselves. How could Merlin, or anyone, burden someone else like that? To force them to decide either to send a friend to their death, or to spend every day living in constant fear for their own lives?"

"I never considered that element of it," Arthur confessed.

Gaius reached out and put his hand on top of Arthur's. "There were so many times he wanted to tell you, not to mention Gwen and Gwaine and _all_ of his friends, so many times when isolation and loneliness were killing him inside, but he always denied himself that comfort because he couldn't live with the thought of putting any of you in danger. To him, it seemed the ultimate act of selfishness for him to put a friend in that situation merely for his own sake. You might or might not disagree with his choice, but can you really fault him for it? And before you answer, think on this: if the situations were reversed, could you have forced a similar decision on him?"

Arthur sighed, shoulders slumping in resignation. "No. No, of course not. But, well, I can understand now why he didn't confide in Gwen and the others, but he still could have come to me. My father would hardly have put his heir on the executioner's block."

Gaius refrained from saying Uther might have, if he'd come to see Arthur as irredeemably polluted by magic. Instead, he explained, "In your case, he didn't want to turn you against your father. And never underestimate the power of that - could you really have hidden this from your father every day and not felt any sorrow? How could Merlin have even felt he could ask, when it comes to that? To his mind, such a thing was far too much to ask even of a brother. And besides, would it really be anyone's first assumption that a son would ally himself against his father to protect his servant?

Not to mention, there was always the chance of your father's enemies in Court, or even your own, finding out. It could have been used against you. The future King breaking Camelot's most entrenched law? It would have been a secret that might have even hindered your eventual ascension to the throne."

Arthur was speechless. "That is _also_ an aspect of this I had never considered," he finally said.

Gauis raised an eyebrow. "Have you considered the political ramifications even now, Sire? You have knowingly harboured a fugitive criminal and an enemy of the Kingdom for over a year. Ruler though you may be, if this gets out it _will_ cause you great difficulties."

"I'm not sure I take your meaning."

Gaius played Devil's advocate, taking Arthur through his reasoning like a schoolmaster catechizing a willful pupil through his daily lesson. "As monarch, legally your power is absolute, but practically, at least for now, you cannot survive without the support of your Lords and other nobles. If they were to discover you had broken the laws of the Kingdom, your position could become precarious."

"I'm certain it would not come to that," Arthur protested, but Gaius could see the wheels beginning to turn in the King's mind.

"Are you? You _are_ a criminal now, Arthur. In your case, your knowledge of what Merlin is, and its consequences, are no longer hypothetical."

"Gaius, no one could seriously think I'm truly a criminal in my own Kingdom. It's preposterous."

"How so? Is there not a law against knowing of a sorcerer and not reporting him?"

"Well, yes, but…" Gaius nearly smiled; by his expression, Arthur knew very well the older man was right, but the full implications were only just now sinking in.

"How would you explain not having Merlin executed to your Lords on Council?"

The King drew himself up. "I would - calmly, but firmly, that is - state how I had been gathering evidence and weighing the best way to handle the situation."

"And do you think that would work? Because - if you'll forgive me for saying so, Sire - you don't sound entirely convinced."

"Of course it would work. It is the truth."

"So the evidence of the King's own eyes is insufficient proof now, and for some reason the basic execution proscribed by law is not applicable? I see."

"Yes, well, I'm sure some sort of explanation could be found. You know, for those particular, uh... issues."

"So you wouldn't say it would weaken your position any? Or shake the peoples' faith in the justness of their King?"

"No."

"Not even if Lord Lesquine were to find out? If he were to learn of this, he would demand you execute Merlin or he would seize on it as an excuse to overthrow you."

"Lesquine can't best me," Arthur said, calmly confident once more. He was on firmer ground with battle strategy than with politics. "He's got neither the support nor the gold enough to buy it in order to make a successful bid for Camelot."

"He wouldn't need to be successful, at least not for the purposes of my argument. Any conflict and all that you have worked for could be lost, perhaps irrevocably. And once the people learn they've been lied to, Merlin's chances of being accepted and free would be greatly jeopardized.

Worse, however, would be that - win or lose - any conflict, especially a civil war, would bring casualties. Your subjects would be hurt or killed in the fighting, while others would be injured in the destruction of their homes. Crops would be burned and people would go hungry.

And all for the life of one man."

Gaius stared Arthur in the eyes, never breaking his gaze. There was no accusation in his tone, but his next question was still a direct shot to the heart of the King. "So can you promise me, Sire, that should this all come out, that you will still be able to keep yourself from executing Merlin? Even when doing so would spare your people great misery?"

There was no need for Arthur to answer. They both knew what he would say.

"Of course, this all depends on _if_ it gets out," the King argued, neatly side-stepping the question by changing tack.

"Keeping the secret puts you in a terrible position, Arthur. Apart from the political pitfalls… well, I shouldn't have to remind you that you're a married man now. Are you going to tell Gwen?"

Arthur was taken aback. "Now there's a problem," he said dryly.

"Indeed. If you refrain, she will be hurt when it is eventually revealed how long you knew and did not tell her. Even before that, it will put a strain on the two of you - and it is a tremendous strain, make no mistake about that, Sire.

However, if you do tell her, if you feel you owe it to her as your wife, then you shift the burden to her. She must keep it secret from her own brother. Say she cannot. She tells Elyan. And then he feels it is only right to tell his brother Knights. After all, Elyan has rekindled his childhood friendship with Leon, and is very close to Percival. And surely Gwaine should know, since he's so protective of Merlin. Maybe Elyan even tells Tristan - after all, he tells himself, it is for Merlin's sake and Tristan is very cunning and a former smuggler. Who would be better at hiding secrets? But then Leon tells his lady. Or Gwaine lets it slip at the tavern. Then where are we?

The best way to keep a secret is to, well, keep the secret. That is yet another reason I always counseled Merlin not to tell anyone.

However, this is contingent on the presumption they're all fine with magic. We cannot know that for certain. Gwen herself might harbour ill-feelings towards it. What if she and Elyan hate magic because of what happened to their father? How do you choose then?"

"Gaius, this speculation is all very well, but you know Gwen. You know she wouldn't do a thing to hurt Merlin. And she can keep a secret."

"So you have decided to tell her?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. But whatever I decide, I know I can trust her."

"How can you promise to keep a secret when you haven't even decided in your heart about whether you are going to tell your wife or not? The idea of telling someone else is already in your mind!"

"Gaius, I _can_ keep a secret. I'm neither a child or a gossipy fishwife."

"Everyone thinks that, Arthur," Gaius said sadly. "But no one can guarantee it. One tale from the bottom of a tankard of ale or mumbled or your sleep, one moment of raving in the midst of a fever, one innocent question overheard by the wrong ears… It doesn't even need words. One look at the wrong moment, one unschooled reaction - that is all it takes."

"I promise, Gaius. No one will tell."

"How can you know for certain, Arthur?" Gaius breath shuddered in his throat, "_I_ did."

"Gaius?"

Tears suddenly pricked at the old physician's eyes and he cursed Time for making him a feeble old man. "I thought I would protect his secret with my life, Arthur! But in the end I betrayed him. I betrayed all of us." He hid his face in his hands and the tears came. "If Alator had not had his own agenda… if Morgana had learned who Merlin truly is…"

Arthur got up and circled around the table to drape a comforting arm across his old friend's shoulders. "What are you saying, Gaius?"

"Sire, you do not understand. It is not just Camelot's laws Merlin has to fear. There are people _looking_ for him!"

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_Author's notes: Just want to say thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

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"_Sire, you do not understand. It is not just Camelot's laws Merlin has to fear. There are people _looking_ for him!"_

"_Looking for him?__"_Arthur repeated. "Who in the world would be looking for Merlin?" The King's voice was kind, and Gaius knew Arthur could see his distress, but the older man could also hear the slight incredulity in his tone as well.

Gaius lifted his head to explain, but then hesitated. He'd been so eager to protect Merlin and divert Arthur's anger that it only at this moment occurred to him he might be taking something away from his ward. Was it not Merlin's right to explain? The lad was grown now, and more, he was to be the future advisor to the King. Would he ever be able to command Arthur's respect if the King believed Merlin still needed his would-be father to defend him?

_Oh my boy, have I stumbled and made things harder for you yet again?_

Unused to such excessive self-doubt, Gaius rose to his feet and, uncharacteristically flustered, made his way over to his shelves as if he'd abruptly remembered he had vital work to do. "My apologies, Sire," he prevaricated, grabbing jars randomly in order to avoid meeting Arthur's gaze. "but there are certain matters that are not my place to explain. However, I am certain Merlin will be home soon. You should discuss this with him."

"I wish to discuss this with _you_, Gaius. You are the one who is here now."

Gaius, his back to the King, closed his eyes. "Please, Sire, I have overstepped my bounds - " he pleaded.

"Nevertheless, Gaius, I will have answers."

Gaius's shoulders sagged in defeat and he turned to face his King once more. Putting the jars in his arms down on his workbench, he again sat himself at the table and nodded. "Very well, Sire."

Arthur re-took his place across from Gaius and began his questions. "Who is looking for Merlin?"

"Quite likely more than a few people, however our main worry is Morgana."

"Morgana knows Merlin has magic?" Arthur asked, surprised.

"Yes and no."

"Explain."

Gaius was at a loss as to where to start. Finally he asked, "How much do you know of the prophecies of the Once and Future King, Arthur?"

Arthur sat back, his brow furrowed with puzzlement. "The phrase sounds familiar, but I can't recall where I've heard it before."

"Perhaps from Merlin?"

"It's possible," Arthur admitted, then he looked at the older man intently. "Please, Gaius, do _not_ tell me my idiotic manservant is this Once and Future King!"

Gaius laughed. "No, Sire. There's no worries on that score!"

"Well, that's quite a relief!" Arthur chuckled in return.

"You are."

Arthur froze. His mouth fell open.

A smile tugged at Gaius's face. "Perhaps a restorative of some kind is in order, your majesty?" he asked.

"Uh…"

A smirking Gaius rose and fetched some wine.

-x-

Feeling slightly guilty at usurping Merlin's place (and yet secretly a little pleased at having a legitimate excuse to do so and therefore protect him), Gaius began.

"There are many prophecies surrounding the story of the Once and Future King, but in essence they all foretell the same thing: a child whose birth heralds a time of great darkness, but as a man will shine as Camelot's brightest flame, serving as a beacon of justice and fairness for all time to come. A golden bear, a blazing sun, he will be known for all future generations as her greatest defender and his reign will go down as her most glorious age.

Gaius paused in his oratory; Camelot's greatest defender was staring at him with the wide-eyed look of a rabbit caught in the light of a sudden torch. He raised an eyebrow. "Are you all right, Arthur?"

Arthur looked very much as though he was trying hard not to squirm and flee. "It's just…a little… a little…"

"Stunning? Overwhelming?"

"Those things… yes, most definitely a little bit of those things."

Always the physician, Gaius picked up the wine flask. "Perhaps another?" he asked.

Arthur thrust out his cup. "Please!"

Gaius complied and waited calmly for his pronouncement to sink in.

"How do you know that _I__'__m_ supposed to be this Once and Future King, Gaius?" Arthur finally asked. "It all seems too incredible to me."

"There have been many signs, Arthur, and you can look those up if you're so inclined - "

"I most certainly am now. Of that you can be sure, Gaius," Arthur stated.

"But the main one has to do with the presence of Emrys."

"Who is Emrys?"

"Emrys is the most powerful warlock that has ever, and will ever, live. A magical being of almost unknowable strength, he is meant to stand at the side of the Once and Future King. The two are both sides of the same coin, their destinies entwined, and with Emrys's help the Once and Future King will bring magic back to the land and unite the Five Kingdoms, bringing forth a new age, the age of Albion."

"And Morgana wants Merlin because he has magic and therefore will be able to find this Emrys for her?"

The corner of Gaius's mouth twitched.

"Gaius… you can't possibly mean…"

"Yes, Sire. _Merlin_ is Emrys."

"Merlin?"

"Merlin."

"_Merlin?__"_

"Yes, Sire. Merlin. Who else has been at your side so faithfully?"

"It can't be!"

Exasperated, Gaius decided to pour himself another drink.

"Gaius," Arthur began, and Gaius's temper grew a little sharper at the sudden patronizing tone, "I don't mean to doubt your intelligence, but _Merlin _wasn't the one to tell you all of this, was he?"

"Of course not, Sire!" Gaius snapped before remembering he was speaking to his King. "The boy didn't even know himself until the Druids told him."

"The Druids… I see."

"And what do you mean to imply by that, Arthur?"

"I'm sorry, Gaius, but do you not think it's just a little possible that the Druids might have their own agenda? That they might be spreading some of these stories on purpose?"

"To what end, Arthur?"

"By making out that Merlin is this Emrys person, it sounds as though they hope to make me believe that I'm the Once and Future King in turn, who, as you just told me, is supposedly destined to bring magic back to the land. Is there no chance at all that it's simply a ruse in order to gain the freedom to practice sorcery once more? I mean, to think that _Merlin _of all people is the most powerful sorcerer in history - "

Gaius leapt to his feet. "Arthur! You…" _bloody, thick-witted_… was what he didn't say. He wagged a finger at the man before him. "You know about his magic, but you still haven't put together all the things he's done for you, have you!"

"Done for me?"

"For heaven's sake, do you think Morgana's immortal army just disappeared because they _suddenly got tired?_" Gaius shouted, seizing on the first thing that came to mind. "Did you never question the absence of a bloody, great dragon corpse? Or wonder why Morgana's magic failed her at the exact right moment when you retook the castle not four months ago? Or wonder what happened to Cornelius Sigan? Or think it strange that you didn't die from the bite of a Questing Beast when everyone else in history has?

"How many tree branches have oh-so-conveniently fallen to knock out attacking bandits? How often has fire surged and offered a distraction, or spears come out of nowhere? How often have skilled mercenaries simply thrown their weapons right out of their own hands in the middle of a downward strike? How often have rock slides come down to separate you from further attackers?"

Arthur stiffened, his face reddening with both shame and anger. "Merlin? _Merlin _did all of that?"

"Indeed he did, Sire. And that is merely the beginning. He has protected you from the very first day you met, even before he liked you, let alone knew of your destiny together. He's done it all without reward or acknowledgement, asking for no thanks, almost always standing alone. In return…

"Arthur, I have always cared for you - loved you even, if that is not too presumptuous of a member of Court to say about his King - but I cannot watch as you keep treating Merlin like this! He has done so very much for you, for your father and for Camelot, but in return you have treated him with far too much disdain. You complain about trust, but when have you ever trusted him? Oh, yes, you trusted to his loyalty, but not his foresight, not his worth and intelligence.

"He was right about Cedric. About Sophia. About the Lady Katrina. He warned you of the effects of killing the unicorn. He cautioned you about killing Caerleon. He reasoned out how Gwen had been kidnapped the time Morgause had taken Elyan. He knew something was wrong with the Druid shrine in the woods. Arthur…" Gaius threw his hands up. "How many times does Merlin have to be right before you can listen to _him? _Every decision you've made this past year shows that blood and nobility trumps everything else - and where did that get you?"

Arthur rose to his feet and started pacing. "That's not fair, Gaius," he argued back. "I've knighted peasants and married a blacksmith's daughter. How can you accuse me of that sort of blindness?"

"You can bring yourself to knight peasants because they are warriors, which is something you understand. You are comfortable with combat, you feel a bond with your knights and can converse easily with them about a subject more than familiar to you. As for Gwen, you _love_ her. It's easy to see the virtues of someone you adore.

"But for a simple servant? An ordinary man who neither offers a strong arm or is an object of your affections? What then? As someone considered a lesser being than a noble, Merlin represents the vast majority of your people - but can you see past his origins in that case?"

Arthur looked away and was silent for some moments. "He was the one you were talking about, wasn't it?" the King said finally. "About how there were many more seeking to protect me, who believed in the world I was trying to create. And that one day I would understand just how much they had done for me. You meant Merlin." (1)

"Yes. There are others, but it was Merlin I spoke of."

"He has done all of this while working as my servant? He has served me when he could take my throne as easily as Morgana has?"

"Yes, Sire."

"And this secret of Merlin's… is this why you were kidnapped?"

"I'm afraid so, Sire. Morgana arranged for a man named Alator of the Catha to take me. The Catha have… _methods_ of interrogation that are most effective."

"Gaius…" Arthur began, shame and horror both showing on his face, "Once again, I can't tell you how sorry I am!"

Gaius waved it off. "Thank you, Sire, but it is unimportant now. What you need to know is that Alator was searching for the identity of Emrys. And…and he found it. I could not fight…" Gaius breathed deeply, taking a moment to compose himself. "He learned of it, but to the immense surprise of Merlin and myself, he did not tell Morgana. Instead, he threw her payment back in her face and, after knocking her unconscious, swore his allegiance to Merlin."

Arthur's eyes widened a tad at the idea of anyone swearing allegiance to his manservant, but focused on what was relevant. "Do you think it could have been an act?"

"I don't think so. Merlin told him nothing more than what Alator already knew. If Alator and the Catha meant Emrys harm, Merlin was already at his mercy. Alator could have fought him right there."

"But if Merlin is so strong, perhaps this Alator wished to take him off his guard and attack him at some other time, a time when he had a greater advantage."

"It's possible, but he has made no move yet that we know of. And given Morgana's lack of reaction to Merlin when all of you confronted her in the throne room, it stands to reason Alator has not told her of what he learned."

"That makes sense. But Merlin is such a trusting fool…" (Gaius restrained himself from pointing out that recent history had demonstrated Arthur himself to be the much poorer judge of character.) "I don't know what to make of all this," Arthur went on, not noticing Gaius's lack of response.

"I can't advise you on that, Arthur. What you chose to believe is a matter you can only settle within your own heart. But do you now see some of the dangers we had to consider when it came to telling you?"

Arthur nodded his acceptance. "Very well. I appreciate your reasons, Gaius. And Merlin's. I am no longer angry you did not tell me of Merlin's gifts. However, no matter the risks to anyone, as King I should have been told. To run this Kingdom and keep my people safe, I _cannot_ make the best decisions for all while I remain in ignorance of matters so important. Do you understand?"

Gaius was not so sure he entirely agreed, but he did see Arthur's point. "I do, Sire. I regret keeping this from you and for counselling Merlin to do the same, as well for breaking your laws. You have my utmost apology and I am certain you will have Merlin's as well."

"Thank you for that, Gaius. I am most grateful," Arthur said, and Gaius was touched by his sincerity. "Now though, if you would, please tell me how Morgana is both looking and not looking for Merlin?"

"She is looking for Emrys, but is unaware that he and Merlin are one and the same."

"Does she to hope to convince Emrys to join her?"

"It's possible, however there is a rumour that she has a great fear of Emrys. Those servants who were still in the castle during her occupation gossip over how frantic her behaviour came when she spoke of him to Helios."

"Really? I've never known Morgana to be afraid of anything in her life!"

"I cannot explain it, Sire. It does seem unlike her. But we all have our secret fears."

"Possibly, but it's more likely to be typical castle chatter, don't you think? I find it hard to believe Morgana would let her guard down in that way around servants."

"Servants have a certain invisibility to nobles, Sire. Merlin has used it to his advantage many times."

Despite the risk of raising Gaius's ire, one of Arthur's eyebrows shot up. "Merlin? Invisible?" he scoffed.

"I realize it seems unlikely, Sire, but I assure you it is true. As for Morgana, there is a rumour of an obscure prophecy, one that predicts Emrys of being both 'the witch's destiny and doom.' "

"Therefore, if Merlin is revealed to be Emrys - "

"He will be in considerable danger, yes. As well, he will lose the advantage of being able to keep to the shadows in his tasks of searching out and battling magical threats to the Kingdom."

"So he had even more reasons to stay hidden."

"Arthur, I realize you can only accept my word for this, but Merlin keeping his gifts secret was never about a lack of faith in you. Against all odds, he trusts you. He trusts you with his life. And he has always trusted that, someday, you would accept his magic. Every risk and sacrifice he's made has been built on that assumption. That boy has pinned his entire future on you for the last five years. He likely would have done all that he's done for the Kingdom in any case, but your acceptance, your destiny together, _that _is what he's been striving for, hanging on for, and depending on for all of this time."

"Why?"

"Why?" Gaius repeated.

"Why has he been doing all of this? Why does he have such faith in me? Why does he think Camelot and I deserve all of this?"

"He does it simply because that is who he is. It is his greatest desire to protect those around him."

"But has it all been destiny, Gaius? Has there ever been… _friendship?__"_

Gaius smiled. "Of course there has, Arthur," he replied gently. "Do you not remember the first time you met Morgause?"

"Morgause?"

"All Merlin had to do to fulfill his destiny and receive everything he ever dreamed of was to stand aside and say nothing when you attempted to kill your Father."

"But he didn't. He held me back and convinced me magic was evil."

"And it nearly broke his heart. It was more than watching all of his hopes being snatched from his hand; arguing that magic was evil was like telling you that _he_ was evil. And yet he did so, all so that you - _Arthur_, not the King of prophecy - would never have to live with having murdered your father."

Arthur lowered his head. "Then it would seem my wounded pride is a small thing indeed."

"I cannot say as to that, Sire. But I want you to know something: as hard as my words to you today may have been, I see in you the King Merlin believes in."

Arthur looked up and Gaius was slightly distressed to see that Arthur did not quite believe his words. _Does he think I am trying to manipulate him with flattery, or does he have so little confidence in himself? _ Either way, Gaius found it disheartening. Then a third, more worrying, option occurred to him: _Maybe I__'__ve failed to get through to him. Perhaps he is downcast because he knows his answer must disappoint me. _

"Thank you, Gaius. You have given me quite a lot to think on," Arthur said quietly.

And then he was gone.

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1) "The Secret-Sharer"

_**Author's notes: **_

_Heartfelt apologies for the long wait! Hope this was worth it. Anyway, my powers of predicting length are off once again - I thought this would be the last chapter, but obviously there will be at least one (more likely two) more._

_**Stealth Dragon **__- In many ways, the sheer number of ramifications when it comes to Merlin's secret was the inspiration for this fic. Not to knock anyone's stories, but it always niggled at my brain a little bit when people would write as if Merlin's supposed lack of trust was the one and only reason he had for hiding his secret. I've got reasons listed everywhere on little bits of paper and there's literally about two dozen now._

_**Invader Kiwi **__- I have to admit I've merely been assuming what BAMF meant. I feel like an idiot now; I could have gotten it entirely wrong!_

_**Bailieboro**__ - The Purge is a fascinating, though devastating, subject. I think I would write about it more except that most of the characters we know would be missing (unless I involved time travel, which I do love, so you never know). I usually don't get as much enjoyment out of stories that only feature one of the cast._

_**Pagen**__ - Gaius's guilt is a tempting theme. I sort of get into it here, but for the most part only indirectly as perhaps the cause of some of his emotional strain and doubt._

_**Quartic Moose **__- I know! Gaius should be in everything, not to mention star a lot more than he does! And I think his role as teacher to Arthur and getting him to *think* probably comes pretty natural; as far as we know he's the only older person Arthur still has in his life who has been around for him constantly. (In some ways, probably the ONLY one.) _

_P.S. - Thank you for the punctuation tips. I never had much of that in school and so I've been relying on what I've picked up over the years through the osmosis of a lot of reading. In this case, the quotation mark problem was me mis-remembering the advice another reviewer gave me and getting it all wrong. _

_**AFellowMerlinFan**__ - Thank you!_

_**luthien morgon **__- Technically, it's still an issue. Even if Arthur changes the law, the fact is that it was still illegal when he hid Merlin, and therefore any contentious Lord could argue he still knowingly committed an illegal act._

_**ruby890**__ - Thank you!_

_**Seansey**__ - I brought up Gwen mostly so Gaius could illustrate to Arthur how hard it is to keep a secret, as well as the irony of putting Arthur in the same situation of tell/don't tell he is currently ranting at Merlin and Gauis about. (Plus, how can you go to someone saying they should have told you their secret, yet in the same breath assure them "I won't tell anyone" in return? Seems a little contradictory to me, not to mention hardly reassuring.)_

_However, the issue of Gwen knowing is problematic. Secrets in a marriage can be insidious, as hiding something can lead to closing yourself off emotionally and putting quite a strain on your relationship. But the bigger issue for Arthur is that Gwen is Queen - if something happens to him, she is to rule in his stead and while there are things she may not need to know as his wife, she would need to know them as leader of her people._

_**swanpride**__ - The possible consequences of the reveal feel so huge to me that I was worried I WAS rushing. Thank you for reassuring me on that._

_**chibitomodachi**__ - I'm glad you're finding it interesting. Truthfully, I've been a little concerned about this fic being mostly one long conversation._

_**The-Bowtie-And-The-Fez **__- I don't know if this chapter answers your question about Arthur's reaction or not!_

_**irezel**__ - Hope this satisfied!_

_**ABLIPstar **__- As you can see by the first part of this chapter, I was a little worried about Merlin not playing as big a part. I'm happy to hear you like this set-up!_

_**Ryne42**__ - Now THAT was a big part of the inspiration for this story as well! I'm usually stunned when I read something where Arthur had kept the secret to himself. A part of me appreciates he might be allowing Merlin to tell in his own time, and another part of me gets that it is a safer way for Merlin's secret to stay hidden, but I still tend to find the very idea not only emotionally cruel (which I'm hoping to get to a bit in the next chapter) but dangerous as well! I mean, it would have to be much more efficient for Merlin to defend himself and everyone else openly. Arthur's keeping his secret only increases the risk of Merlin being hurt and/or failing to save the Kingdom! _

_Anyway, a huge thank you to everyone for your absolutely AMAZING reviews! I hope I didn't miss anyone, but if so, thank you to you too! (I wanted to respond to everyone in apology for the wait.) You folks and your wonderful encouragement do wonders for my ego! Here's hoping everyone has a fabulous day and I will try to get the next chapter up soon!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Yes, I'm back! (At least briefly.) Hopefully this long chapter makes up a bit for the wait...  
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**Chapter Six**

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Merlin smiled happily to himself as the three men rode towards the river Leon had told Percival and Gwaine about, feeling at ease for the first time in over a week as he listened to the two knights discussing how many fish they were going to catch. Rocked into a soothing state by the horse's slow walk, Merlin turned his face up to the sun and revelled in the cool breeze tickling through his hair and caressing his skin, refreshing him from the lethargy of four days of fever and a week inside.

They chatted of little things. Percival spoke of how his mother and the other women in his village would sing as they stood in the river to do their washing, while Gwaine told tales of the death-defying tricks he'd seen a troupe of acrobats do once on his travels. Merlin merely pointed out the shoots of butcher's broom they were riding past and talked about how it was good for enhancing blood flow to the legs and hands, or to the gorse just beginning to flower, describing how his mother would use it for food or to make tea, but saying how others in Ealdor used it to make wine. Gwaine joined in by pointing out a large clump of heather and telling of how his uncle made gruit with it, a thing used to brew heather beer.

"Do you think of nothing else, Gwaine?" Percival asked as the three turned towards a stand of Davey elms on top of a small tor.

"Well, I do occupy myself with one other thing, but I fear your ears would be too delicate for such a subject, Sir Pureheart," Gwaine teased good-naturedly.

And so it went. A delighted Merlin heard the haunting "chee-aw" of a red-billed chough, spotting it a minute later in a tall Cornish gillyflower, leading Gwaine to complain of the meagre apples to be got from that tree. Percival exclaimed as a large blue-grey bird with white underparts and a black head shot from another tree a few moments later. "A winnard," he said.

"A what?" Gwaine asked.

"A Peregrine falcon," Merlin explained.

"That's good, because we've already got a Merlin," Gwaine joked with a wink at the other knight, while Merlin rolled his eyes and wished - not for the first time - that his mother had named him something more prosaic, like Jack or Tom.

Finally, they made it to the river. There, after a lunch of cold meat pie, cheese, bread and apples, with a couple of skins of mead to wash it all down, they fished and watched a family of Mute swans searching for food and generally lazed about, soaking up the sunshine. Percival eventually caught a bullhead and a large grayling, but he and Merlin had to laugh when all Gwaine caught was minnow.

Merlin, who wasn't even bothering to fish but instead was throwing bits of bread to the downy, black-billed swan cygnets, proclaimed, "Behold the mighty fisherman! We're not going to have much of a dinner if that's all that's on the table."

"You should talk!" Gwaine laughed, tossing an apple core at him.

"Oi! I'm your _guest _on this little excursion," the temporarily one-armed servant argued back. "Doesn't that mean you have to provide for me?"

"Who says?" Gwaine demanded.

"The bloody rules of hospitality, you ignorant sod! Haven't you been listening to any of Geoffrey's chivalry lectures?"

The dark-haired knight snorted. "Pffh, that's just Princess trying to civilize us for Gwen's sake! Marriage does strange things to a man."

"And is Gwen not worth acting civilized for?" Percival asked slyly. Merlin raised an eyebrow and grinned as they waited for Gwaine's answer.

"Bloody hell, see if I ask you two fishing again!" Gwaine complained.

"That's not actually an answer," Merlin pointed out.

"Will you shut up if I get another fish to fill that hollow belly of yours?"

Merlin shrugged. "Maybe," he said with a smirk. "How about you, Percival?"

"Let's see how big the fish is first," the large knight said.

"Fine, fine, let's take care of our little guest and get a fish," Gwaine groused and grabbed his pole.

Merlin laughed, but as the banter stopped his mind began to drift down less pleasant channels. He looked on at the cheery scene, watching Gwaine and Percival playfully shove each other, and wondered about the future. He thought of how gently they had helped him down from his horse, of how they'd taken care of him all afternoon, making sure he had enough to eat or hovering by his side, ready to make a quick grab if he slipped on a wet stone.

_Will they still take such pains once they find out what I am? Will they think I played them for fools, pretending to be the __"__little__"__ servant, weak and in need of help all the time?_

He tried to convince himself they wouldn't, that they were good men and true friends and that to doubt that was mean-spirited on his part, but then he found himself wondering if he'd ever even be able to spend another afternoon like this - laughing and simply enjoying himself in their company. _Even if they forgive me, what if Arthur banishes me? Will I ever see either of them again? _

A sudden strangled sob caught in his chest and Percival jerked in surprise, catching sight of Merlin's face out of the corner of his eye. The two knights abruptly broke off their rough-housing.

"Everything all right, mate?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin forced a wide smile on his face and nodded. "Just about to collapse from hunger, that's all! So stop your messing about and see about getting that fish, would you, lazybones?"

"Bossy one, isn't he?" Gwaine said to Percival with a nudge. Percival chuckled and the two knights turned back to their fishing poles, but Merlin felt furtive eyes sneaking a peek at him all the rest of the afternoon.

_-x-_

Thankfully Merlin's horse knew to follow the other two, otherwise the servant would have found himself half way to Mercia by the time he came out of his brown study. Slumped in the saddle, face frozen in a hard furrow, his thoughts ran around his mind in an endless circle, asking himself if he should confide in his two friends now, instead of waiting for Arthur to thoughtlessly blurt out his great secret.

_It__'__s _my_ secret to tell. _My_ life that will be affected._

_But Arthur is King. What if he accepts you, but wishes things to stay quiet until he can prepare the Kingdom for it?_

_But Gwaine and Percival are two of his closest knights. If he orders them not to talk of the matter, they won__'__t._

_But don__'__t you owe it to Arthur to let him decide what__'__s best for now? If you do this, he may feel you__'__re trying to divide his knights for the sake of shoring up your own support. Not to mention choosing up sides will automatically put him on the defensive, forcing his mind to immediately leap past rational consideration of your point of view and right to how best to protect the Kingdom from a scheming sorcerer. And if he thinks of anything after that, it will only be about how he__'__s been even more betrayed by your not trusting to his compassion and reason long enough to wait for his answer._

_Betrayal? _Merlin snorted. _As if he__'__s the only one. He__'__s kept me living in fear for the last year. Denied me my freedom. Left me alone after the horrible things I__'__ve had to do, despite my forgiveness of him for what he did to the Druid camp. As for betrayal, I think I__'__ve betrayed everyone else _for_ Arthur - Freya, Will, my father, Morgana, and I don__'__t even know where Aithusa is! What if something has happened to my little dragon while I've been trotting around after the Clotpole? And now, at best, Arthur will likely take my home away from me, robbing me of the only father and sister and brothers I__'__ve ever really known. And at worst -_

_NO! He won__'__t do that!_

_You don__'__t know that. Not for sure._

_Yes, I do! He won__'__t do that! He won__'__t ever do that! You know him!_

_I thought I did. But that was before this. That was before he let me suffer for a year when he could have stopped it at any time. That was before I found about the Druids. _

_You idiot! He__'__s known for a year and hasn__'__t killed you yet! Doesn__'__t that show he__'__s not Uther?_

_Fine, so he__'__s uncertain. All that proves is he__'__s a coward underneath. A coward with no conviction who can__'__t make up his mind. And a coward will give in eventually. So what if he__'__ll feel a bit of regret afterwards? Kings don__'__t avoid doing things just because they worry they__'__ll be plagued by a few pangs of remorse once the deed is done. So wouldn__'__t it make sense to get a few friends on my side in case of the worst? _

_You know better._

_Do I?_

_Yes._

_Fine. But still, why shouldn__'__t I tell Gwaine and Percival? Gaius is always right and Arthur is always right and I__'__m nothing but the one stuck in the middle, forever being ordered around and told what to do. If I__'__m to be some great warlock, isn__'__t it about time I started making a few decisions for myself? How am I supposed to learn to trust myself when I__'__m nothing but a puppet whose master has him half convinced he__'__ll never be able to do anything right? And don__'__t I deserve to tell at least one person because _I _choose to? Because I wish it, and not because they found out by accident or I was forced to tell them to stop them from killing Uther, or because Arthur will announce it to all whether I like it or not. _

_What if they react badly? How will it help your case with Arthur if Gwaine gets his back up and tries to kill the King?_

_He wouldn__'__t. Well, yes, he might, but I__'__d stop him._

_What if they hate you as much as Arthur does? _

If Merlin had been walking, that would have halted him in his tracks.

_They could slay you right here and now, or at least desert you. How would you fare all alone, with a broken arm and dark coming on?_

_They wouldn__'__t do that. Even if__…__ even if they_ do_ turn on me, they__'__d still take me to Arthur._

_They__'__d take their little servant mate to Arthur. But would they take the risk of a horrific, deceitful sorcerer using magic on them and getting away?_

_I__'__m sorry, have you ever _met _Gwaine and Percival? They__'__re too loyal to Arthur not to try, and Gwaine__'__s too cocky to think even a sorcerer would beat him._

_If you__'__re falling back onto logic, then one can assume you__'__re not quite as certain of their acceptance as you want to believe._

"NO!" Merlin shouted in angry denial.

"Uh… I'm pretty sure we are in fact home, Merlin," Gwaine said.

"What? Oh!" Merlin said, looking around for the first time and finding the three of them in the courtyard. "Sorry. I didn't hear you. I was thinking of something else."

"Obviously," Percival said, and, with a pointed glance at his fellow knight, he helped Merlin dismount and then lead the three horses away.

"C'mon, mate, I'll take you home," Gwaine said to Merlin. "Gaius is probably fretting by now."

"And it's your job to talk to me alone, too, I suppose?"

"Don't know what you mean."

"I saw that look of Percival's," Merlin said. "It clearly said, _'__Get to the bottom of it.__'_ "

"Well, you did seem to be thinking hard enough to wear out a new hole in your skull."

"Yes, well…" Merlin looked away. He couldn't tell the knight anything. Not until he'd spoken to Arthur at the very least.

Gwaine stopped. He laid a hand on Merlin's good arm and told the servant to look at him. "Merlin, you don't have to tell me."

"I don't?"

"Nope. I wish you would - I wish more than anything you'd let me help you - but it's all right if you feel there are things about you I can't know; it's a friend's job to trust anyway. And I know you'll tell me when you're ready."

Merlin stared at him in the thickening twilight as the castle servants went on their rounds lighting the torches. His eyes glistened with tears at this simple acceptance and he grasped Gwaine's forearm with his good hand. "Thank you, Gwaine. You… you've always been a true friend. I couldn't have asked for a better one, and I'm not sure I deserve it, but thank you."

"What do you mean you don't think you deserve it? What sort of rubbish are you going on about?"

Merlin let out a shaky chuckle, struggling not to let his emotions overwhelm him and make him do something impossibly girly. "It doesn't mat… No, that's not fair to either of us. It _does_ matter and I do want to tell you. I want to tell you more than anything - I hope you believe that! But, I have to talk to Arthur… and… oh, bugger, Gwaine, it's such a sodding mess!"

"I should have known Princess was involved in this somehow. Is this whatever it is the reason he hasn't been by to see you since you were injured?"

"No, don't do that, Gwaine. Don't talk about it as if it's just another instance of Arthur being a prat. It's so much more this time. And I just can't tell you yet, no matter how much I want to, but I want you to know something: you're going to hear something about me eventually, something shocking - or at least I assume it will be shocking if you haven't found out already and…" Merlin shook his head. "Any rate, I want you to know, to truly believe me when I say that _I always wanted to be the one to tell you. _I don't even think it was a day after we met when I first wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. Not because I didn't trust you, but because it wouldn't have been safe for you." Gwaine opened his mouth to say something, but Merlin pushed on in a rush before he could. "And yes, I know you can fight anything and you would in a heartbeat, especially for a friend, but it just seemed so selfish to even think of asking it of you, not to mention I didn't want to you to have to choose between Arthur and I because he needs you and …" Merlin took a deep breath.

"Gwaine, if I… if I have to leave - "

"Leave!" the knight shouted, anger immediately darkening his face.

"I don't want to! I don't want to go! I don't want to lose my home. Besides, if I go, then everyone will forget how things really were. It would become so much easier to ignore the truth and tell themselves I deserved it - "

"Merlin, I've changed my mind! We're going to the tavern and you're telling me everything! NOW!" Gwaine ordered, grabbing Merlin by his elbow, ready to drag him off.

"_Gwaine!__" _Merlin snapped. "I need you to let this go for now. You'll probably hear it all in a few days, but I can't tell you now without making it worse."

"Merlin…"

"Please, Gwaine," Merlin pleaded.

"I don't like this. I want you to know that right now. And the others won't like it either."

"Please don't tell them."

"If it will get you talking - "

"What about 'it's a friend's job to trust anyway' even when there are things he can't know?"

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "Oh, fine, use my own honour as a friend against me! Fie! Why do I ever even open my mouth, I'd like to know?"

Merlin snorted. "As if you could help yourself."

Gwaine pointed a threatening finger at Merlin. "You're pushing it, mate. You really are," he said, but he was laughing at the same time and Merlin knew the knight would give in. For now, at least.

Together the two men walked the rest of the way to Gaius's chambers, stopping just outside the entrance.

"Gaius is still up," Gwaine said, nodding to the light coming from beneath the door.

"I didn't expect anything else."

"You were going to say something before," Gwaine reminded him. "About if you have to leave."

"Right." Merlin hesitated, exhausted now, and not wanting to start another row where Gaius might hear.

"Go on, then."

Merlin locked his gaze on Gwaine's. "If I have to leave Camelot, I want you to know that you were always my friend and that I will miss you terribly."

"You won't have to miss me because you're not going. It's fine if you want to be all secretive and mysterious and Lord-Skulk-In-The-Shadows-Manservant, but don't think you're going to get me to worry about you. I'm not going to bother because I'm not about to let you leave in the first place."

"You could give a mule lessons in stubbornness."

"Too right I could, so don't even think of arguing."

"Gwaine, I may not have a choice."

"You're right, there. You _don__'__t_ have a choice. Because you're not going."

"Gwaine, would you listen?"

"Nope. You're still not going."

"What if I said my mother was sick?"

"Is she?"

"Well, no, but - "

"Thought as much. So it's settled - you're not going anywhere."

Merlin didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As he and his friend said goodnight and Gwaine headed off to his own quarters, Merlin realized the other man likely wouldn't change his mind even in the event he learned Merlin might have to leave for his own safety; the daft mule-headed pillock would simply fight Arthur till the King admitted defeat through sheer exasperation.

_If Gwaine doesn__'__t end up hating me, that is. _

_-x-_

"You're awfully quiet," Gaius said, turning from where he'd been poking at the fire in the hearth.

Merlin shrugged, taking a sip of the warm mulled cider Gaius had given him before answering. "Feeling sorry for myself, I guess."

Gaius was patient and said nothing, waiting for his ward to go on. Eventually Merlin did. "Why is it no one can believe someone can have magic and yet still be good?" he asked.

"There's no simple answer to that. But it's not everyone. Lancelot knew better."

"Perhaps because he knew almost from the start. Which means maybe I was wrong to ever lie."

"Did you lie, or did you act with discretion in order to stay alive?"

"I'm beginning to wonder if there's any real difference."

"Do you think I was wrong to counsel you the way I did?" Gaius asked.

Merlin thought about it seriously. "No. Hiding made sense. But was it _right? _Was it even _smart? _Maybe if I'd made a stand, others would have if those of us with magic all stood up for ourselves together, we wouldn't be in this predicament now."

"With the way Uther was, that would have involved waging war."

Merlin stared down into his cup. "Maybe war is inevitable," he whispered.

Gaius did his best not to flinch. _He can__'__t think that, he__'__s just discouraged. _ "Do you honestly believe that?" he asked his ward as calmly as he could.

"I don't want it, Gaius, and I'll do everything in my power to prevent it, but maybe it's either war or letting the Purge go on forever, and, in that case, there may be no other option. Because that's what we're forgetting - Arthur may not be Uther, but technically the Purge is still going on.

"All day I've been thinking about how much I don't want to leave Camelot and dreading the idea I might have to for my own safety, but if Arthur decides the wrong way… well, maybe there's another reason I should be going besides saving my own skin."

"To gather your forces?"

Merlin grimaced. "Not _forces_. Not yet. But if we're going to fight against this - even without violence - those who have magic are going to need to start talking to one another and coming to a consensus on a few things. If we did, maybe we could make a peaceful stand. Or search for a new land to live in. Kilgharrah once told me there are many places beyond the Five Kingdoms. Surely we could find somewhere to live that would welcome us."

"It's not something you must decide tonight though, is it?"

"No, not tonight," Merlin agreed, but Gaius could hear the _"__Soon__" _in his voice.

"I think what Arthur wants is an apology."

"Of course he does."

"With that, he might come round. Then there would be no need for conflict or leaving." His voice was as placid as a still pond, his outward features unruffled, but inside Gaius was fervently begging, _Please, please, Destiny, don__'__t take my boy away from me forever. Let him have his own life, yes, but don__'__t make it so I will have to watch him leave knowing I will never see him return. _

"I know, but it does rankle a bit. Well, more than a bit actually. I've spent so many years hiding and making sacrifices and being made to feel as though I should be constantly apologizing, as if I was doing wrong just for being what I am. I've lost two of my best friends and my father and the woman I loved all for our supposed Destiny and I didn't even get time to grieve, let alone wallow in self-pity and hurt feelings. I've stood by his side despite his slights and insults, and protected his Kingdom and even protected his damn father - I've forgiven so much and now I've got to clamour for _his _forgiveness? Just for keeping a secret his laws made me keep in order to do nothing less than _stay alive_?"

"He doesn't know most of that," Gaius pointed out gently.

"No," Merlin sighed, "Which is about the only thing keeping me from turning him into donkey most days. Still, I know the apology I'd like to give him! _'__Oh, I am sorry I had to hide who I was, Arthur, but being executed would have been a bit of an obstacle to saving your Royal fat arse for the last seven years!__' _"

"Merlin…" Gaius tried to scold, but it was hard not to chuckle.

"I nearly told Gwaine and Percival today," Merlin admitted out of the blue, changing the mood instantly.

A fortnight ago, Gaius's first instinct would have been to demand what in the world Merlin was thinking of in even considering doing such a stupid thing, but what could he say now? He watched the flames flicker in the grate, ordering himself to tread softly. "What made you hold back?" he asked.

"I don't know," Merlin replied. "I'd like to think it was sense and reason, that I realized telling them might risk Camelot's defences by causing conflict between Arthur and the knights - or even amongst the knights themselves - but plain old cowardice is just as likely."

"You're anything but a coward, my boy."

"But I am, Gaius. I am. I just couldn't bear it if they…they…"

"Merlin?"

Suddenly the man talking of war was gone. In his place was nothing but the heart-broken youth, weeping silently. Gaius got up, walked to Merlin's chair and bent over to embrace him.

"Please tell me I'm not a monster, Gaius," Merlin asked in a hushed voice, the plaintiveness breaking the old man's own heart.

_Seven years later, and that__'__s still how he sees himself._

"Oh, my boy," Gaius whispered, weeping himself now, his tears falling into Merlin's dark hair. "How can you still think that? How can you possibly think that for even a moment?"

Merlin couldn't answer.

They stayed like that for a long time.

.

* * *

_Author's greetings: Hello again! My apologies for the long time before updating (and, sorry, I have NO IDEA when the next one will come), and my overwhelming thanks to all of those who stayed with me. It was wonderful to hear from you and learn that you were still interested in reading more._

_As for the story, there will be several more chapters. I'm thinking at least two or three, but who knows? I'm not exactly an oracle when it comes to my Merlin stories, as anyone who's read "They Say It's Your Birthday" can tell you. I can say that there will definitely be Merlin and Arthur interaction, Gaius and Arthur interaction, more Gaius and Merlin, more knights and finally some Gwen, then some final Merlin and Arthur - basically, there's going to be Round Table interaction coming out the ying-yang, so no worries there. I hope you will enjoy it! _


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

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Within the castle of Camelot lay a Hall set aside for the King's personal use. It was not as spacious as the Great Hall, where foreign dignitaries were entertained, but larger than the dining hall where the current King had once supped with his father and sister. It was in this hall, where soft sunlight fell through pointed arch windows, that a table was often placed to allow the King to share a meal with his closest companions. A table loving crafted by the King's special instructions to match an ancient one - one where those same companions had first sat together with him and declared their allegiance in the face of one of Camelot's greatest trials.

A round table.

That morning, Arthur watched from a balcony as the servants swept the room and cleared the hearth, as they silently adjusted the table to center it just so, and then, finally, as they proceeded in virtual synchronization to set out each grand chair. It was such a fluid and proficient display that Arthur could almost think they rehearsed it as a troupe would for some intricate dance.

_The pains people take to do the things I don__'__t even see__…_he thought to himself. _How can one man be worth it all? _

_And surely I cannot be that man. _

Arthur had spent a sleepless night, asking himself with every toss and turn what he had ever truly done to save his Kingdom. Yesterday, he had known himself. Then he had spoken to Gaius and learned his every supposed accomplishment, his every heroic deed, his own life even, was in truth owed to his overlooked servant.

Why had Merlin never told him? Camelot was _his _kingdom. Its people _his_ subjects. Did Merlin believe he wasn't good enough to do the right thing? That he wasn't smart or strong enough to stand by the Kingdom's protector and help save his people?

Perhaps Merlin would be right to think so. After all, what kind of judgement did he have? How much perception had he ever shown? Time and time again he had placed his faith in the wrong person. Gwen he had forgiven, and perhaps he could Merlin, but the whole episode still demonstrated his own foolishness, didn't it? Despite the way he'd always treated Merlin, he had loved the man like a brother, only to find now that Merlin had been hiding his true self all of this time. Gaius's logic had mollified him some, but it still wounded him to discover that he didn't know Merlin as well as he'd assumed.

And that perhaps Merlin had never felt as close to him as he had to Merlin.

_Was it all imaginary? Did I simply delude myself once more because of my weak, childish need for a friend? _Arthur did his best to keep in mind Gaius's words about how Merlin had sacrificed his own happiness to keep him from killing his father, but the King's heart was shaken and he could not quite dispel the pain and self-doubt. He felt like a small boy who'd been cruelly tricked by those smarter and bigger than himself, and that smallness in turn made him feel ashamed and humiliated, like the pathetic disappointment he'd always feared his father had considered him.

What was worse, was the fact that he could no longer trust his own judgement. Every depth of his heart, every sinew of his being, rebelled at the thought of losing Merlin, but he had had his trust so often misused before and Merlin _was _a sorcerer. Arthur was used to sizing people up by what he could see: by the way they stood, by the swing of their sword, by the way they met - or failed to meet - his eyes. But this? How could he trust something so mysterious and clandestine by its very nature? Something so unlimited in its power to subvert?

_How do I know these are my own thoughts? How can I know he isn__'__t controlling me? How can I be certain all of these tales of Emrys are anything more than an elaborate ruse?_

_And what do I do with him? Simply because he hasn__'__t taken my throne yet, doesn__'__t mean he won__'__t. And even if he is the one good sorcerer there ever was, if I let him practice magic openly, then I must let others, and THEY might attempt to take the throne. How will my Kingdom ever truly be safe if I accept magic?_

Unable to stand calmly any longer, Arthur strode off, still deeply at odds with himself.

_-x-_

The "inner" Round Table, as some of the more envious knights and Lords had taken to calling it, assembled at midday, and it was not until all were present that Arthur noticed something for the very first time.

The rest were seated and Arthur, at his feet at his customary place facing the entrance, looked to where Merlin - slightly pale and his arm still in its elaborate splint - was nevertheless standing tall across from him. Arthur gestured for him to sit down.

"There does not seem to be a place, Sire," his servant remarked.

Arthur's eyes widened in surprise.

Merlin did not have a chair at the table. The King's conscience pricked him as he realized that Merlin had never had a chair. Not even when Lancelot had died and in a spontaneous ceremony they had bowed their heads as Merlin had solemnly taken the knight's chair away, opening a place, had Arthur ever thought to ask the servant standing behind him to sit with them all.

Once, during the unendurable, restless hours of the night before, as Arthur had paced in his chambers through every watch, there had been a moment when he realized he had been blaming Merlin because it had been easier than facing his own inadvertent hypocrisy - that he'd spent all these many years condemning and denigrating magic, when all along it was being used to save and protect his Kingdom. However, that hypocrisy had been simple to push to the back of his mind because it all could have been avoided if only Merlin had been honest.

But what of this?

A mere two years ago, he had stood at the stone table of the ancient kings and preached equality, and with his fancy words convinced eight people to stand by him. And after they had battled together and retaken the castle from Morgause and Morgana's immortal army, he had ordered this table to be built so that he could celebrate with his most loyal and steadfast companions, placing seats for his knights, his physician and trusted advisor, and his future Queen.

But not one thought had he given to setting one for the servant who had sat at his right hand. The servant who had shown the same loyalty and taken the same risks as any of the others. The servant whose faith and courage had goaded his King to action in the first place.

The servant, who, as it turned out, had been the one to save them all.

Unfortunately, in the contrary way of human emotions, Arthur's sudden shame only made him more furious at the source of it. Self-blame surged, but was immediately taken as a reason for further resentment. Arthur regarded his servant and struggled to remain calm.

_All he must do is apologize, _Arthur told himself. _Once he apologizes, then I will see to rewarding him in some way, but this must be dealt with first. He must learn. Then everything can go back to how it was before. _

_Oh, such a pretty lie,_ a tiny voice whispered.

"Well, not that I'm not happy to spend time with all of you," Gwaine drawled, rudely breaking into Arthur's thoughts, "but usually by this point in the gathering there's a game pie on the table and a flagon of mead to hand. So, if not to eat, is there a particular reason why we're here today, Princess?"

"There is," Arthur stated coldly.

"And is guessing it part of the entertainment?" Gwaine asked. Any who did not know him might have put down his question to simple insolence, but the King knew better. The knight was prodding him on purpose, but to what end?

"Merlin would like to make a confession," Arthur said, not missing how the servant bristled at the word.

All eyes turned to the dark-haired man standing across the table from the King.

"Would I now?" Merlin asked. "I don't recall making any such wish."

"_That_ I know very well."

Merlin scowled. "Can't even do your own explaining, can you?"

"You should talk."

"That's not fair. If you wanted answers, you could have come to me. But you couldn't face me, so you waited until I was gone before speaking with Gaius. For that matter, you could have come to me at any point in the _last year, _apparently."

"Do you wish _me_ to tell them, then? Won't that just make you look further like the cowardly thing you are?"

Those seated, save Gaius, began to squirm at the vicious tone the gathering was beginning to take, shooting questioning glances at each other, with several of the knights looking ready to rise. Gaius however, merely closed his eyes in pain.

Merlin glanced at the faces of each of his friends. "Very well, Sire," he said finally and raised his right arm, palm upwards. "My friends, I am the reason you are all here today." (Arthur grimaced, suddenly struck with the realization that Merlin's words had a double meaning.) Gasps sounded from nearly every throat as the room darkened and a glowing blue ball appeared, floating an inch above Merlin's hand.

Just as Arthur was remembering where he'd last seen such a thing, complete chaos erupted. Chairs scraped harshly and clattered to the floor as the knights shouted and dashed to their feet. Arthur heard the _schick_ of swords being drawn from their scabbards and the scramble of bodies throwing themselves towards Merlin. Daylight flooded back into the chamber as quickly as it had gone, revealing a scene Arthur would have engraved in his memory for the rest of his life. It was a sight encompassing all that was wrong with his Kingdom, all that was rotten at its center.

Leon had a hold of Merlin from behind, his dagger at the younger man's Adam's apple, while Elyan's sword tip rested just above the servant's jugular. Gwaine, meanwhile, had the point of his sword against the side of Leon's rib cage, prepared to plunge it through if the fair-haired knight made any further move. Percival, to his credit, had his sword drawn and ready but was waiting for his King's word before choosing a target, and Gwen and Gaius were both standing, looking on with horror.

Two of his noblest knights, two men who had called Merlin _friend_, now held the unarmed and injured man captive, while a third was ready to turn on his brothers, and all for no other reason than the appearance of a harmless glowing ball.

Merlin's eyes never left Arthur; the unreadable expression on his face never wavering for an instant. Arthur watched as his servant - his _friend_ - straightened and lifted his chin, despite the two blades lying against his vulnerable neck.

"Do I stand formally accused then, Sire?" Merlin asked, and whatever wryness might have been implied in his words was drowned by the hatred in his voice.

Arthur was momentarily at a loss. This was not going at all as he'd imagined it. _Thick-witted idiot_, he cursed, _Why can__'__t you understand? _However, before he could say anything, things slipped even further out of his control as Gaius stepped away from his place at the table and went to stand next to his ward.

"Gaius, stand back!" Leon warned, while Merlin groaned, _"__Gaius, no.__"_

"Gaius, please sit," Arthur ordered.

But the elderly physician ignored them all. Standing shoulder to shoulder with his son in all but blood, he calmly said, "If Merlin stands so accused, Sire, then I must as well."

"Gaius! Please don't! Arthur, make him stop," Gwen pleaded.

"Gaius - " Arthur began.

"No, Sire," Gaius continued, not caring that he'd interrupted his monarch, "I will not stand by and let you condemn Merlin for a crime I too have committed. Let me admit it here to all: I have not only knowingly harboured a sorcerer for the last seven years, I have practiced magic myself."

Arthur waved off Gaius's confession. "That was years ago, Gaius. Before the ban."

"No, Sire, it was not."

"You mean you've…" Gwen fluttered a hand in some vague gesture, obviously distraught and, Arthur was deeply saddened to witness, somewhat repulsed.

"I have," Gaius admitted. Elyan and Leon looked worried, wondering if one of them should move to cover the older man even though he had shown no sign of actually using magic. "If anything, I am more guilty than Merlin," Gaius went on, "for I have not only disobeyed the laws of Camelot, but I have broken the vow I made to King Uther."

"Gaius, this is not the time," Merlin said.

"On the contrary, my boy, this is _exactly_ the time." The Court Physician addressed his King once more, "I confess to breaking the laws of Camelot, Sire, not merely for the sake of justice, but because it is time for us to get past the emotions and blame and strike at the proper heart of the issue. You feel wounded by Merlin's actions - with some justification even though it was not his fault - but what you need to remember is that those actions were not his alone. His seeming "betrayal" of you is not what is truly important, despite the very real pain you must be feeling.

"_I _have broken your laws, Sire. _Hundreds _have. This is not some rift between friends - it is to do with the fate and well-being of your Kingdom. What applies to Merlin, applies to quite likely a quarter of your people. What you must ask yourself then, is why we have broken your laws. And - perhaps - think on the justness of a law that would persecute a man for saving this Kingdom from fire with the same penalties as it would a man who had set the blaze alight."

"_Oh, the Gods take the pair of you!__"_Arthur thundered and slammed his fist against the table, startling Guinevere beside him. "This isn't a bloody court of judgement! We can discuss the merits of the law against magic later! I only wished to give the idiot the opportunity to explain himself to his friends and ask their forgiveness - nothing more!"

"Forgiveness?" Merlin bellowed, rage finally breaking through the frozen demeanour he'd had since he'd entered the room. "You…you… _COLOSSAL ASS!__"_

"What did you call me?" Arthur growled.

"This had nothing to do with providing me with anything. You forced my hand in order to shame me, in order to make me look like the conniving coward and you the helpless martyr. 'Oh, look how he has deceived us all!' You did it to paint my actions as something evil, a crime that I need to ask forgiveness for. I can understand how they might see it that way, but you? You know _why_ I did what I did! You _know_ I could not help being who I am! What crime have I ever committed other than being the man I was born to be? And now I have to kiss your feet in grovelling thanks in hopes that you'll _tolerate_ me to live?

"How _dare_ you act like the aggrieved party! I have protected you from the first day we met - when we barely knew each other, when we hated each other, when you were an ass, when you were throwing things at my head, and - most strikingly - when you or your bastard of a father would have killed me without a second thought. Is that what you wish me to apologize for, Sire?

"I have given seven years of my life to you!" Merlin roared, and Arthur nearly stepped back in shock. "Every. Single. Day. You have called people like me evil and undeserving of life, and still I protected you! Your father is the reason I never knew my own - that he was hounded into a life a despair and isolation while I was scorned and outcast, with no surname but the title of 'Hunith's little bastard'; that my mother could never live in comfort, but had to slave away and even beg the charity of those who would have just as soon spit on her, merely so we could survive; that my parents were robbed of the years of joy they might have had of one another - and yet I risked my life to protect him as well!

"You - _you puling, selfish, blind__…__CHILD! _- you killed the woman I loved, and yet still - _still!_ - I stood by you!

"But now I find myself in a position where I have to beg forgiveness for keeping a secret - a secret your family made necessary by the way - in order to protect not just my life, but Gaius's and my mother's, and the lives of everyone in this room, including yours! Well, my King, please forgive me if I don't feel like dropping to my knees and gibbering with gratitude!

"And, speaking of apologies, where is _mine_, Sire?"

"For what?" Arthur asked indignantly.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, that society makes out you to be a monster. I'm sorry that you had to leave your home because of the prejudice that has flowed over the borders and all over the five Kingdoms. I'm sorry you've had to live in fear every day of your life. I'm sorry that you could never be who your truly are without worrying that the guards were going to come for your loved ones. I'm sorry for the daily humiliations. I'm sorry for the hurts you've suffered because you weren't able to use your gifts to protect yourself. I'm sorry you've had to fight alone all this time. Take your pick, Sire!"

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment, and then went on, more softly now. "Do you have any idea, any conception at all of how _alone_ I've been all of these years? Never able to let anyone get too close apart from Gaius, never able to confide in or receive comfort from anyone but him, never able to ask for help unless it was for something he could give, never able to get married…I could have had _my own _life. I could have been a physician by now, or a scribe or a minstrel or a sailor. I could have even been a simple baker with a wife and a handful of children." He laughed grimly, "Now, though? Now I don't even get a chair at the bloody table."

"I don't understand," Gwen said, breaking the sombre silence that had fallen. "What do you mean you've been protecting us all? And why could you not get married?"

"I am Emrys," Merlin announced, and Arthur was surprised to hear both Gwaine and Percival gasp. "I protect this Kingdom and am the other side of the coin to the Once and Future King, our destinies intertwined. For that I am a criminal. As to why I could never marry, well, apart from the fact that I have neither to time to meet nor money to court a wife, what with half my wage going to support my mother and the rest to Gaius for my upkeep, I couldn't risk any woman's life by burdening her with my secret. Either I would be forced to conceal myself from her, or I would make her a criminal. Worse would have been if we were to have had children. If they'd inherited my gifts…" Arthur saw Merlin turn from Gwen to gaze at him. "You talk about me trusting you, Sire, as if the laws are gone, but they're still there. It's still the law in your Kingdom that any child of mine, even if he or she wasn't old enough to lift their head from their blankets, would still be put on the chopping block. How could I risk that? How could I bring any child into this world when my blood would condemn it to death?"

"Do you really think I would kill a child?" Arthur questioned sadly.

"Would you have a choice?" Merlin asked.

Arthur did not know what to say. If he failed to uphold the law, then the Kingdom would be ruled by nothing but his whim. And a king who ruled by whim was nothing but a tyrant. Not to mention ignoring the laws weakened them, eroding the security they provided to his people against just such an oppressor.

"The law against magic is there to protect the people," Arthur insisted.

"No, Sire. The law against magic is there to protect _some of _the people. But what kind of law is it that calls for the execution of people for _potentially_ becoming criminals?"

"If that's the way Kingdoms are run," Gwaine broke in with a harsh laugh, "then we'd pretty much have to kill every babe ever born."

"It's different with magic!" Gwen sputtered and all turned to stare at her.

"She's right," Arthur said, despite the way his heart juddered at the way all the fight had drained out of Merlin's face when Gwen spoke. "Morgana - who was good and brave and championed the innocent her whole childhood - even _she_ was corrupted by magic. Perhaps you have held out so far, but who's to say it isn't inevitable?"

"Morgana was corrupted by fear and her father's betrayal, not magic. She was terrified by what was happening to her and when everyone around her turned their backs on her, it left her heartbroken and vulnerable to Morgause's manipulations."

"You think she didn't make her own choices?" Leon asked, having long since moved his dagger away from Merlin's throat as he grew enthralled in the conversation.

"No, she made her own choices," Merlin snapped, "but how much were they based in hurt and isolation and the sense of injustice for being threatened for something she had no way of stopping?"

"She took over this Kingdom!" Elyan exclaimed.

"Yes. She did. She might not have if she had been treated by compassion by any of us, including myself, but she did. But I have not. So why should I be judged by the same law? I have never hurt any of you, not on purpose. I never took your faith in me and turned it to my advantage. You automatically assume I have another agenda, that as a vile sorcerer I must betray you. But why? Who says that my loyalty must be a lie? Don't give me this rubbish that it was about my hiding the truth - so you can't trust that I've told you everything. So you can't guarantee my loyalty and obedience. I can say the exact same thing about any of you, and if today is any indication, _I_ am the one with far more reason to doubt. The difference is that _my_ actions are automatically seen as darker than yours because of who you see me as, based on stories told out of fear. But who is threatening to destroy whom?"

Arthur stood rigid, jaw line twitching with the hurt and fury simmering within. "I am not my father!"

"In what way?" Merlin wished to know. "Is your hesitancy to execute a sorcerer simple reluctance to kill? Is merely a philosophical difference? _Or can you finally see the obscenity of his actions? _Do you comprehend the full horror of the war you've been raging against those like me? Because, by what you said to Gaius about your father's views not being that misguided, I don't think you do!"

"Do you really think I will kill you?"

"Don't I at least have reason to worry? It isn't as if you've never killed magical people before."

"He never did that!" Gwen shouted. "That was Uther! Arthur, tell him."

"You didn't tell her then? _Do you mean to say you kept a secret?__"_

"Because I was ashamed! And, since I was never going to do it again, it was irrelevant! Can you say the same?"

"No, but then my secret was about staying alive long enough to protect the Kingdom. Yours was about causing harm."

"Your secret, your secret - you make it sound like nothing more than a secret crush on a noblewoman… _You lied!__"_

"Did I?"

"You pretended to be something you weren't!" Arthur accused.

"How so? I am a peasant and a servant and so you have always seen me. Just because I had a talent and played a role you didn't know about, doesn't mean I lied or pretended. All it means is that you failed to look deeper," Merlin argued back. "How much have you ever seen of _me_ at all? You hear the word 'sorcerer' and you instantly believe me to be evil, that I'm here to hurt you, no matter what you know of me or have seen of my actions. Has it ever occurred to you that someone could be both a sorcerer _and_ loyal? A warlock _and_ have good intentions?"

"How can I know that? What do I know of you at all? Besides, it's your kind's way to deceive."

Merlin flinched. _"__My kind?__" _he demanded sharply. Then he laughed. "I hate to break it to you, _Sire, _but you've been lying - to me, to Gwen, to your Lords and your entire Kingdom - for a year now, so I hardly think deception is limited to _my_ kind!"

"I lied to protect you!"

Merlin started, dumbstruck at the irony. Some of the resentment fled from his voice at this revelation, but not all. "So it _is_ all right to lie to protect others? Or is it just when one of _your_ kind does it?"

"I am sorry for that," Arthur said. "I mean about insinuating you were… not of our kind. But I am King and I have my subjects to protect. Magic is so very powerful. Prove to me you are not evil."

"And I am Emrys," Merlin said, growing cold towards his King once more. "I have protected your Kingdom for seven years now. When have I ever asked you or your people to prove _you _are not evil before I did so?"

Arthur had no answer.

"Do you want to know something though, Arthur? I do trust you are not going to kill me, and not simply because your Kingdom needs me. Admittedly, I can't help but question the wisdom of that belief, but deep down, it's still there. We all have our lies - I've lied, you've lied, I know Gaius and Gwaine have lied and I'm sure the other knights have their own secrets - and we all have suffered the pain of quick accusations," Merlin said, pointedly staring at Gwen for the last part, "but you must ask yourself what poison breeds in your Kingdom that those with magic must suffer more suspicion and fear than everyone else.

"Till then, Sire, I think we've said all on the matter that we possibly could."

And with that, Merlin shrugged himself out of the grips of the stunned knights who had held him, and walked out of the hall without his King's leave.

.

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_**Fountainofroses** - Your wish is my command. Well, eventually._

_**godsdaughter** - Thank you for reading._

_**Weaving Bard** - I'm trying, but truthfully it's hard now that I'm back to work. There's something about being an office clerk that sucks out my creativity. _

_**Merlocked18** - There's actually quite a few reasons I can't even fit in without destroying the narrative flow! And yeah, both Gaius and Gwaine are winning my heart here. (Percival might get a real chance to shine too, if the next chapter goes how I want.) _

_**Abigail** - Hope this satisfied on the 'not apologizing' front. Hopefully, with Gaius's help, both Merlin and Arthur are going to get past the anger and patch things up, but Merlin is certainly never going to grovel in this story!_

_**Aurelia30** - I'm sorry to hear about your friends! I hope everyone is doing well and I'm very happy I was able to give you a tiny little bright moment._

_**Guest** - Thank you for the poem!_

_**TeganL74** - Dialogue and characterizations I'm pleased about, but plot construction? Yay! I must have stumbled onto a plot somehow by accident! Life is fabulous!_

_**FireChildSlytherin5** - Glad to hear the whole thing's still holding together. I always worry the pacing suffers with the whole posting a chapter every once in awhile format. It would likely be better if I wrote the entire story first, but I'm too impatient for that._

_**sword** - Glad to hear it._

_**Ryne42** - You are I are on COMPLETELY THE SAME PAGE! Not only do I think it's unfair, but I think the constant apologizing is bad for the character's psyche. (But I hope to get more into that in the next chapter.) Anyway, part of me wonders even with the show, that the creators were a little too enamoured of the whole romantic servant ideal, where they have no other goal than to serve forever and sacrifice themselves for their master. And that doesn't sit entirely comfortably with my democratic Canadian soul. Plus, Merlin will need a certain amount of self-assertiveness if he's to become the powerful warlock he's supposed to be. _

_**Marty32** - Both Merlin and Arthur will forgive each other, and themselves. A lot of their anger is actually down to their own individual insecurities, but Gaius will sort it all out._

_Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you again to all who read and to all the reviewers of previous chapters that I didn't leave individual thanks to. You have all been awesome, and I am more than grateful!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

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**.**

The first thing to break the silence and release them from their statue-like positions was the sharp _thunk_ that sounded when Gwaine punched Leon right in the eye.

"Sir Gwaine!" Arthur bellowed through the general commotion as Percival and Elyan rushed to pull the dark-haired knight off the King's downed man. Leon, meanwhile, could only look up from the floor where he'd fallen on his backside with a dazed expression. Arthur watched as his senior knight lifted a hand to feel at his eye, but it was as if the man barely noticed it. Arthur tilted his head toward Gaius, gesturing for him to have a look.

"And you, Princess, you're just as bad!" Gwaine snarled as Percival yanked him back towards his seat at the table. "How could you let them hold a blade on _Merlin _of all people?"

"What did you expect them to do, Sir Gwaine?" the Queen asked. "It is a knight's duty to protect his King, and sorcerers in the past have usually not meant us well. Just because it was Merlin this time does not mean there might not have been a threat - he could have been possessed after all." Arthur glanced at her; she was calm, her question was not vicious, but there was an ever so slight hardness there that surprised him.

Leon looked up. "Do you think that could have been it?" Arthur raised an eyebrow; his knight seemed almost eager to seize on this idea.

"No," Gaius stated flatly as he guided the knight to his chair.

"Oh," Leon said, falling strangely silent.

"What? Looking for a convenient excuse to explain holding your dagger on a defenceless servant's neck?" Gwaine sneered.

Leon lifted his head to face the angry knight. "I reacted instinctively to what could have been a threat to my King, but I am sorry for what took place."

"Leon?" Gwen asked.

Leon did not look at her, but to Arthur. "I am sorry, Sire. I am sworn to protect you, and protect you I will, and so my actions cannot - perhaps - be faulted for that, but I cannot say I am happy with them."

The entire table gaped at him with surprise.

"A knight - a _true_ knight," Leon went on, "is sworn to protect and defend. By attacking a friend I cannot claim to have acted with the honour I had always hoped I possessed."

"Leon… do you believe in my father's law?" Arthur asked gently.

Leon hesitated, thinking long on the question. "It is hard to speak against a law that appears to keep us safe, Sire, nor one I am supposed to uphold, but I sometimes… I admit that sometimes I have trouble believing in the justness of it."

"I have to say, Leon, I'm fairly shocked," Arthur said. "Especially after what happened."

"I am your man, Sire. It is my duty to protect you and sometimes I must react swiftly. But, in this case, I should have shown more judgement before doing so."

"Because you disagree with the law?"

"Because I feel the law is too generalized. Or perhaps too specific in punishing one group of people. If a sorcerer commits a crime, why can't he or she simply be prosecuted under the law for _that_ crime? A sorcerer who murders someone is a murderer, and could easily be punished under the same law that would punish an ordinary man for murder."

"But shouldn't sorcery itself be a crime?" Gwen asked. "Using a spell against someone else is a violation different from murder or theft and so requires a separate law. If one man blights his neighbour's crops in order to fetch a higher price for his own, what crime do we count it as? Or if he gets drunk and in a fit of pique physically deforms the face of the man next to him, what do we say that was?"

"Malicious behaviour?" Percival suggested.

"The problem is the law as it stands now," Gaius said. "A man is not punished for using sorcery for ill intent, but for simply _being_ a sorcerer in the first place."

"Yes, but a person doesn't become a sorcerer without specifically intending to use magic," Gwen argued. "No one becomes a sorcerer against their will."

Gaius cleared his throat and looked to his King.

"Apparently, that is not entirely true," Arthur was forced to admit.

"Merlin was born with magic, my lady," Gaius clarified. "And I doubt Morgana had much say in the matter either."

"A person can be born with magic?" Gwen asked and her wonderment was echoed around the table. "I've never heard of such a thing!"

"It is rare, though it may perhaps have happened more often than we know. Before Uther's law, a person might have been compelled to take up the craft after sensing an inborn talent," Gaius said.

"Then I am sorry for Merlin and for those like him," Gwen said softly. "Perhaps we could change the law to say that being a sorcerer is acceptable, as long as you don't practice? James the fuller gave young Matthew of Darkpool a chance once the boy promised not to steal any more, and he's never regretted it since. Maybe sorcery should be like that - if a sorcerer swore to reform and never performed sorcery again, he would remain welcome, but, if he did, then he would be punished for the act."

Arthur looked intrigued by this reasoning, but saw Gaius slump.

"And would all acts of sorcery be counted as the same?" the old physician asked. "Would using magic to heal a child of the plague be just as punishable as destroying someone's crops?"

Gwen opened her mouth to respond, but quickly shut it again.

"And it still comes down to viewing sorcerers as monsters, or as something less than human, doesn't it?" Gaius went on. "Do we punish nobles unless they promise to stop playing nobles?"

Gwen leapt to her feet. "But sorcery is a _crime_, Gaius. Being noble in and of itself doesn't hurt anyone!" she argued helplessly.

"Does sorcery, my lady? Or even an act of sorcery?" the usually silent Percival put in from where he stood behind Gwaine's chair, with a strong hand on the other knight's shoulder.

"My lady… Gwen…" Gaius began, "the problem is confusing the use of sorcery as a crime with sorcerers themselves as a collective whole. You see it as a method to hurt people, I see it as a group of frightened subjects, one of which I am."

Gwen bit her lip and then tried a new tack. "Perhaps it isn't a crime. Maybe we should think of it more as an illness instead? We could help you and Merlin, the way we should have helped Morgana before Morgause took her. Merlin is young, and you almost never use magic! I know you said you did, but maybe you could stop. It would be hard, but eventually you and Merlin could get used to living like normal people!"

She sounded so concerned, so caring, but Arthur knew what Gaius's response would be before he even saw the older man shake his head.

"We are not _ill_, my lady, and, while I might be able to refrain from using magic, Merlin cannot. He was born with it. It courses through his very blood. He _is_ magic, and if he stops using it, he will die. Nor should he have to stop. Magic is his gift, it brings him joy. Asking him to stop would be like asking Malcolm the troubadour to stop singing."

"But sorcery is destructive. Innocent people are so often caught up in the havoc it brings. Look what happened to my father!"

"It was not sorcery that caused your father's death," Gaius explained gently. "It was the law against it - the law that says even associating with a sorcerer is punishable by death."

"Yes, it was Uther's law," Gwen agreed, "But wasn't it also the sorcerer's fault for tempting my father? For giving him dreams of an easy way to make money? If that sorcerer had only been made to stay away, if only he'd left my father alone…" The Queen broke off, raising a quick hand to dash away the sudden tears in her eyes. (1)

"I admit the sorcerer in that case was not without blame," Gaius said, "but should Merlin and I, not to mention dozens, if not hundreds, of your subjects be judged by his crimes? Should Merlin, who saved your father's life when he was ill, suffer the same fate as the man who lead Tom to his death?"

"Merlin saved Father's life?" Elyan asked.

"Indeed he did," Gaius said.

"_But magic is EVIL!__" _Gwen suddenly shouted, making them jump. "You were _there_, Gaius! You saw how it corrupted Morgana!" she cried. "She was like a sister to me! She defended me! She supported me through my grief after my father died! But then… then after her magic took her, she was conniving and cruel. She thought nothing of manipulating whoever she needed to in order to betray Arthur! And when Leon and the other knights refused to swear allegiance to her, she had Morgause's army murder innocent townspeople! Townspeople she would have died to defend only a year before! How could someone I knew so well and loved so much become so pitiless? And now it's happening with Merlin! Already he has lied to us! We can't let it go any further! We must save him!"

"My Queen, forgive me, but that is unfair," Percival said. "If we're to blame Merlin for not trusting us, then perhaps we should blame ourselves for not being trustworthy enough to tell. When did we ever give him the idea that we would react well?" Arthur was startled by his knight's unconscious echoing of Gaius's words. "For that matter," Percival went on, "when did we ever even look at him more deeply instead of assuming what was on the surface was all there was? I feel ashamed to say it, but how often have we treated him like some sort of puppy or toy, to play with or ignore as we felt like? We might have included him at times, but did we ever accept or look upon him as an equal? And lately… well, perhaps this is just me, but lately it seems as though even noticing his presence anymore barely counts as an afterthought on our parts. There are times when I believe he could go missing on a hunt and we wouldn't realize it for hours." (2)

"Speak for yourself!" Gwaine growled, though not as belligerently as he might have. There was a look on the dark-haired knight's face that suggested to Arthur that even Merlin's greatest defender might be re-examining his recent behaviour towards the servant.

"As for trust," Percival continued, his calm, thoughtful voice working on them more deeply than Arthur would have considered, "people seem to think you can only trust someone when they've told you all of their secrets or otherwise they've betrayed you somehow. But it's just the opposite. Trust is having faith in that person and making the leap of accepting them even when you don't know everything about them. Like all of you did with me.

"You had only known me for a matter of hours, Sire, and my strength and loyalty had yet to be tested, and still you knighted me after nothing more than my vow that I would stand with you, and I've never had a word from you since that suggested that trust has been shaken. (Arthur refrained from telling the man how he'd briefly questioned his loyalty when talking with Merlin about a traitor in Camelot.) Merlin has apparently fought for you and protected the Kingdom for all of these years, asking no thanks, no reward, and yet you look at him with scorn and suspicion. But I think any man who has defended us all for so long deserves our trust, or at the very least our willingness to listen." (3)

"He's right, you know," Gwaine put in. "You knighted us because you said a man's actions were more important than who he was. Why does that only hold true for us and not for Merlin? Shouldn't you judge him on the things he's done?"

"We've all been forgiven things, Sire," Percival said. Arthur noticed Gwen dropping her head and wondered if she was thinking about Lancelot.

"What were you forgiven for, Perce?" Elyan asked.

Percival shrugged. "Many things, though you don't know a lot of them. But I was also forgiven for being a peasant when the King knighted me."

"There was nothing to forgive," Arthur said. "That was simply who you were."

Percival raised a questioning eyebrow that rivalled Gaius's and Arthur felt a fool for falling into his trap. Instead of defending himself, however, he sat down and gestured for the others to do the same. Looking around at the table, he asked, "What do each of you think?" thereby saving himself from having to respond to Percival's unspoken point. "Elyan? You've been very quiet. What are your views on the matter?"

Elyan squirmed imperceptibly. "I am unable to decide, Sire, though I know I wish Merlin nor Gaius nor any good sorcerer any harm. The affair at the druid camp was… difficult for me. I am galled by the horror and unjustness of what the boy showed me, yet it is hard for me to get past the fact that I was taken over by magic. That I was forced to do things not of my own will. It's not a state I would wish on anyone, Arthur, and I fear it is colouring my view, but I can't help it. I am not sure I would want sorcerers free to roam the Kingdom, at least not without some very definite laws put in place."

"Thank you for your insight, Sir Elyan," Arthur said before Gwaine could protest. "I appreciate your honesty. Leon?"

"I too know the stories of Emrys, Sire. If Merlin is truly he, then we would be hypocrites to punish him. As for others with magic, I do not know what is the best course to follow in terms of laws - though I will say that I believe the law as it is now is ineffective and unjust - but personally, I have no problem living with those with magic as long as they make no threats against Camelot or its ruler."

"Gwaine?"

"When I first met Merlin, he defended you to me. Even after he told me the story of how his father was banished by his King and I expressed little surprise, he still stood up for you, saying that _you_ would never do something like that. He has always believed in you, Arthur, so if it's a lack of trust putting the fly in your codpiece, then you've got your head up your arse. Merlin's the most loyal bloody subject you've got.

"As for others with magic, well Hell, Princess," Gwaine snorted and waved a thumb in Gaius's direction, "this one's probably been a sorcerer for about fifty or sixty years, and if he hasn't turned to evil I don't see how you can argue it's inevitable! And if it's not inevitable, then you're persecuting a whole bunch of your own subjects simply because you're afraid of them!"

Arthur was speechless; he had never considered Gaius as a counter-argument to Morgana. Glancing at the Court Physician, he saw the old man looking at him with a touch of a challenging smirk. "Yes, well… Percival?"

"I believe those with magic should be judged as others are, Sire. We may need a few special laws against particular acts of sorcery that don't fall under other crimes, but I have no problem with the idea of sorcerers living amongst us."

"Beloved?"

"I don't know, Arthur," Gwen whispered, her voice breaking with a sob. "I just don't know."

Arthur nodded sadly and then turned to face Gaius.

"Gaius, as one of the accused, so to speak, I cannot consider your opinion in the same light I do the others, but I would like you to have your say."

"Thank you, Sire. I would like to ask two things:

"One, please make peace with Merlin. You need him and he needs you and the Kingdom needs you both. If it helps at all, I would like you to know that Merlin did not come to Camelot with any intentions of hiding who he was. Indeed, it was just the opposite - he had an almost suicidal desire not to hide. Feeling like a monster and convinced that without magic he was nothing, I believe he would have revealed himself almost immediately, if only to end his pain on one of your father's pyres. It was only once he was told of your shared destiny that he began to conceal his gifts, because then he had something to protect.

"And two, I beg you to consider the harm the law against sorcery is doing to your Kingdom, Sire. Not simply to those with magic, but to all of your subjects. I know there are dangers, but that is true with everything, and with magic people could be cured of more sicknesses, farmer's crops could be multiplied, and the Kingdom could be better defended.

"But, more than that, _it is the right thing to do. _Those with magic do not deserve blind hatred and that hatred, that need for lies and that potential for conflict and violence - that rift needs to be healed now for all of our sakes. If not, this crack in the foundation of Camelot will only grow wider and wider."

"There is wisdom in what you say, Gaius, but coming from a man who was so willing to break that same law, it's hard not to feel you're a little biased. It is not for you to change the law by disobeying it in the first place and then arguing that it's wrong."

"No, but it is for me to act on the dictates of my own conscience. What I did, I did not do lightly, Sire, but I still believe I could done no less."

Arthur nodded. "I understand, though I don't necessarily agree."

"Yes, Sire."

"Fine. I wish for all of you to leave me now," Arthur announced. "It seems I have many things to consider."

-x-

Once the others had left, Arthur rubbed the heels of his palm against his tired eyes and thought about how much he needed a pint of mead right about now.

It was all going round and round in his head - the Kingdom's need for a magical defender, what Merlin was owed, the rights of his people, the intricacies of the law and the potential damage it was doing, the dangers of magic…

His own anger.

He'd been surprised by the rage that had come out of him in the meeting when Merlin was present. He'd thought Gaius's logic had got through to him, that all he had wanted was an apology in order to move on, but there had been still so much venom inside, simmering just under the surface, that it had horrified him. And, if he was honest with himself, there was also still so much prejudice. Was it enough simply to stop executing those with magic, or did he need go further? To see past his preconceptions of vile monsters and worries of the temptations magic gives to people, leading them to jump into things without thought to the consequences, like his father had with his mother? He didn't know, but seeing those same prejudices reflected on the faces of others - on _Gwen__'__s_ sweet face - had not been something he enjoyed. For the first time, he could see the damage to the Kingdom that Gaius had spoken of.

And what of Merlin? Percival's words of Merlin being a puppy or toy had struck a nerve - Arthur realized to his chagrin that he had always seen Merlin as a thing for his own personal convenience, there to fetch and carry, to take his bad humour out on, to cheer him when he was down and say wise things when he needed reassurance. But had he ever truly thought of Merlin as an actual person with wants and needs of his own? As a man who deserved his King's attention in his own right?

"_Prove to me you are not evil.__"_

"_I am Emrys. I have protected your Kingdom for seven years now. When have I ever asked you or your people to prove _you_ are not evil before I did so?__"_

Never.

Merlin had never once questioned Arthur or his people's worth before risking his life to defend them. He had simply trusted that they automatically deserved his protection. It made Arthur think about what Gaius had said about how Merlin had always trusted that, someday, his King would accept his magic and how every risk and sacrifice he'd made had been built on that assumption.

Merlin had given his life for them. For _him_. Not by dying, but by living for his King and his friends. By giving his whole being to ensure their safety and happiness.

_He may not have told me, but he trusted that I was a good man, that he could put his future and his life in my hands. He had _that much _faith in me. _

_He _trusted_ me. He always has._

Arthur buried his face in his hands and groaned. "Oh Gods, what have I done?"

.

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_Author's notes:  
_

_1) Okay, I don__'__t remember the episode exactly, but I think this was roughly how it played out. However, if I__'__ve made a mistake, feel free to tell me. I might not change anything, but still, it would be good to know. _

_2) This story is actually set three months after the end of season 4, but I couldn__'__t resist a bit of a comment on season 5 because quite frankly the whole thing is ticking me off. Arthur is a colossal prat, but he seems to be the only one who still cares for Merlin at all. Otherwise, Merlin seems strangely apart from all of his friends. _

_3) Last two episodes of season 3, and episode 6 of season 4. _

_._

_WOW! Just WOW! Boy, I must have hit a chord, because I have never, ever, ever, had the kind of response that I did to chapter 7 to anything before! That was__…__ WOW. _

_**Um. Hi **__- Thank you, and I hope a few of the reactions here surprised you a bit. _

_**toliveanotherlife**__ - I__'__m glad you think the language flows well. Truthfully, by the time I finish a chapter I__'__m usually so exhausted I__'__m not entirely sure I__'__m writing in English anymore._

_**AliHal**__ - I agree. The focus shifted far too much to keeping Arthur alive, which in the end is why I think it worked out so badly. (Season 5 is really getting to me, to the point where I actually didn__'__t bother watching a lot of the later episodes I had downloaded once I caught the finale on tv and saw how it ended.)_

_**kurtblaine87**__ - Thank you!_

_**kizmet **__- The way the reveal was handled annoyed me as well (amongst other things). Up to the end of season 4, I found Merlin hiding the truth perfectly understandable, but once both Uther and Agravaine were out of the picture, yes, there definitely should have been a better story arc. It was kind of a cheat for Arthur as well; we never truly got to see him as the powerful and magnificent King that would explain the legends and the idea that he should come back. _

_In __"__Servant of Two Masters__"__ though, I can sort of understand Gaius__'__s actions - I think he knew Merlin would eventually have to use his magic to solve things, and Merlin would be more free to act if Arthur was completely in the dark. (If Arthur had found out, he might have even confined Merlin for his own safety.) Gwen is harder to explain, but it__'__s possible she was not thinking of Merlin at all, but Arthur. She likely wanted to keep him safe and not have him out in the woods chasing sorcerers; after all, this was the same episode that showed her not wanting Arthur to look for Merlin in case of bandits. _

_**gerr-bear **__- I hope you feel better now. And am I a total jerk for being a writer and going, __"__YES! I made someone cry!__"__?_

_**Book girl fan **__- Totally agree, which is most of the reason I wrote this story. _

_**Guest**__ - Merlin FCC? I'm sorry, but I__'__m not familiar with that abbreviation. But yeah, it would be good if he left for a bit and left them to their own devices. Unfortunately though, he likely won__'__t do that here. But you never know__…_

_**Time**__**'**__**s Quill **__- Thank you. I do like to have characters rant!_

_**Guest **__- I do too. Or at least something similar. Or, a dramatic reveal of totally awesome magic, where Destiny shows Arthur the truth by hitting Merlin with a golden beam of light and Arthur rises to the occasion and acts like a magnanimous leader, suppressing his own hurt because he realizes what__'__s really important. (Again, the finale is kind of bugging me for Arthur__'__s sake nearly as much as Merlin__'__s.)_

_**The Shadowless Nuance **__- You know, it was going to be a whole spiel of aggrieved ranting in one go! I don__'__t know what happened, but it seemed to work out, so YAY!_

_**Irene**__ - One of the things missing from the reveal I think was being able to explore the depths and different layers of the Purge and how it affected people. It__'__s been interesting; the characters seem to burst out with opinions I didn__'__t even see coming! _

_**April29Roses**__ - Seriously blushing here! (Honestly, I__'__m about a second away from going __"__Aw, shucks!__"__) Thank you so much for your wonderful words! _

_**TeganL74**__ - Sorcerers Unite! This is my new flag and motto! As for the office job, it__'__s not only sucking out my creative juices, it__'__s eroding my sanity, tiring my eyes so that I can__'__t write on a week day, and destroying my faith in mankind. But hey, weekends! _

_**Merlinreveal3**__ - Thank you. I hope this was quick enough for you. _

_**doctor bow tie **__- Yes! More tears! (Hmmm, I think I__'__m seriously turning into the soulless automaton of despair my brother once called me. Freaking job.) Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed the other chapters. _

_**Guest **__- Thanks._

_**Pagen Godess **__- Yeah, if Arthur had any brains he should have seen that coming. Hope you liked this chapter._

_**She was waiting **__- Thank you, and I__'__m glad you found it so realistic. Prejudice is an interesting thing to write about; there are so many ways in which its expressed._

_**Tagicheartbreak**__ - Hope this satisfied._

_**Aurelia30**__ - Thank you. I__'__m really enjoying writing for Gaius in this story. And I__'__m glad to hear your friend is on the road to recovery. _

_**servant123**__ - Thanks. There always seems to be a lot of dialogue in my stories. Perhaps because I feel more comfortable writing character driven pieces than plot driven ones. Not that I wouldn__'__t love to do bigger plots, I just don__'__t know how!_

_**sarajm**__ - Thanks, and I hope you__'__re working on your newest pieces!_

_**Vuurvlieg**__ - Twisted logic seems to be a big part of any campaign to rob someone of their rights. And yeah, Arthur wasn__'__t too swift putting Merlin on the spot like that. I think he__'__s too used to being in the right, not considering that the only reason he finds himself there is that Merlin can only argue so far due to his position. (Or because Arthur only tends to listen for so long and tunes Merlin out once he thinks he__'__s won.)_

_**FireChildSlytherin5**__ - Awed? Cool. And yes, it really did turn around and bite Arthur on the rear._

_**Stealth Dragon **__- It__'__s funny, I__'__ve felt more sympathy for Arthur while writing this than I ever did before. I still think he__'__s massively wrong and an enormous prat, but having to write his responses did give me some insight into why he might be upset. Still though, he never does trust the right people, does he? For a King of legend, he__'__s a terrible judge of character._

_**skywright**__ - Thanks. It didn__'__t turn out as fierce as I thought it was going to be, but I am kind of happy with the way it ended up._

_Anyway, hope I didn__'__t miss anyone! Humungous thank yous to all of my readers! _


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